TVXQ'S CHRONICLES: HERO'S TALE
by mustlove11
Summary: based on their song 'my best friend's girlfriend'. set on the beginning of TVXQ's careers, Hero Jaejoong faced difficulties choosing between loyalty to his childhood best friend and his heart and love, his best friend's girlfriend.
1. update

22:06

A/N: RECENTLY I'VE RECEIVED I PRIVATE MESSAGE SENT A TOTALLY "BERJABIR" FELLOW CONCERENED FANFICTIONER, THAT HE/SHE WAS GOING TO REPORT ME TO THE ADMIN UNLESS I DELETE THIS STORY BECAUSE IT BASED ON A REAL PERSON AND APPARENTLY YOU CANT DO THAT HERE AT FANFICTION, HENCE THIS FOLLOWING DICLAIMER…

DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY IS BASED ON A CHARACTER NAMED HERO KIM JAEJOONG FROM BANJUN DRAMA "FIRST LOVE", WHOM COICIDENTALLY WAS PLAYED BY THE ACTOR/SINGER OF THE SAME NAME. I WILL REPEAT IT AGAIN, IT IS BASED ON THE CHARACTER HERO JAEJOONG PLAYED BY HERO JAEJOONG HIMSELF IN THE BANJUN DRAMA "FIRST LOVE" (owned by SME). WHICH BY THE WAY IS SOMEWHAT SIMILAR TO THE SITUATION OF THE CHARACTER JERRY SEINFELD PLAYED BY JERRY SEINFELD IN SITCOM "SEINFELD". HENCE, I'M NOT BREAKING ANY FANFICTION RULES. SO THERE….

A/N: like I need more discouragement from finishing this fict. With all that disbanding rumours and lawsuit and now this!! Just when, I finally figured out how to continue the storyline.


	2. Chapter 1

**TVXQ'S CHRONICLE:**

**MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND: HERO'S TALE**

**,………………………….. **

_**I can't but I want to love,**_

_**When you tell me that you want to see the ocean,**_

_**Are you testing my courage?**_

"Hello Jaejoong, so sorry I'm late, I got caught up in traffic….." her voice trailed off as the wind from the ocean blew lightly against her flushed face. Her cheeks are tainted with soft pink blush and her face is damp with perspiration from all that running, making her face glow under the sunset light. Just when he thought she couldn't any more beautiful, she surprises him as always. And that smile…

"Earth to Jaejoong, earth to Jaejoong…" snapping her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to reality, smiling of course. That perpetual smile that always seemed to grace her face, almost all of his fond memories of her are always with her beautiful smile. And her smiles weren't one of those civil, soulless, polite smiles that you always see in people. When she smiles, it is a full blown smile, you know the one that reach the eyes that even if you cover half of her face, you still can tell she's smiling.

"Sorry, I was a bit distracted." He grins guiltily while messing his black hair in a perfect boy band pose. Most woman/girls would swoon and faint at his feet when he does his 'I am in a band' bit but not her, she isn't like most women. And he loves her for it.

"You seemed to do that quite a bit lately," she sounded concern before it turn to a teasing, "is there someone I should know about?" Smile.

And that arrow went straight to his heart. He didn't know whether he should be extremely relieved that she didn't know his feelings for her or extremely depressed that she didn't have a clue.

"well who ever she is, she have to meet me first and pass my test before she become your girlfriend, if not she won't be allowed to date you." She declared vehemently with all the seriousness of a mother judging a potential bride for her only son.

Oh, definitely a little bit of both 'relieveness' and 'depressness'.

"So _he_ couldn't come?" she asked. They were back on serious topic. She smiled but the light in her eyes dimmed a bit and it broke his heart. He couldn't stand to see her sad and disappointed. If he were the one she chooses, he would never ever let the light in her eyes dim and spend his whole lifetime making it brighter than before. That bastard didn't realize how lucky he is to have her.

"Why? Are you getting tired of me already? You know most woman would sell their kidneys to spend this much time with the one and only handsome and talented Hero Jae joong." He joked, with his chest sticking out and hands on his hip looking very much like old school superhero, in attempt to lift that ever-existing cloud over her head.

She smiled happily. 'Yes!' he thought, 'she bought it.'

"Well, I don't know about kidneys, but for a toe nail maybe." She laughed merrily.

"So my princess, where would you like to go?' he gallantly asked as he offered his arm for her.

"Hmm… I'm in the mood for tea and cakes, my prince." Playing along with his games. He smiled in response though he can actually feel his heart bleeding at the empty endearments.

"Well then, tea and cake you shall have my lovely little princess." He answered jokingly but meaning ever-single word, ignoring the pain in his heart like a seasonal pro.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

_**As I drink my coffee, I avoid eye contact,**_

_**I'm doing the right thing, pretending to ignore you,**_

_**If somehow you knew about my act, **_

_**Then he will lose both of us,**_

As he was sipping his coffee, waiting leisurely for their cakes, he purposely diverted

His eyes away from her while keeping a corner of his eyes close on her. They were sitting down at out regular seat by the window at their favorite little café. A place that they kept to themselves.

'Our own dirty little secret.' She whispered, smiling conspiratorially as she did so. One of his best memories of her smiles._ Their own dirty secret._

Ever since they arrive at the café –except for the time when they were ordering their drinks and food- they sit across of each other with only silence to accompany them. With only three other customers on the other end of café, it was easy to be submerge in your own little world without a care for everything else. That's why he loves to come to their _dirty little secret _every time they are together. Because here it was easier to pretend –even just for a moment- that only they exist. It's easier to pretend that she was his to love not _him. _He cherished and despised that moments the most because in the end- whether he likes it or not- he have to return to reality.

He pretends to take another sip of his coffee before pretending to return his gaze to the window beside him, ignoring her tentative gaze directed at him. When she does that, her eyes would be full of questions, barely able to solve the mystery that is he with her full lips pursed tightly as if she herself couldn't believe what she had found out about him and tried to find another solution that is more comprehendible and acceptable. And he felt every time she does this, she was one step closer to find the truth about him.

He was always extra nervous when she does this, fear that if she looked hard enough she would find out about his darkest secret- his love for her. What disaster would that be? As much as he thinks that _he _doesn't deserve her, hero couldn't do that to _him. _No one deserves that kind of betrayal, especially not _him_.

This whole staring thing started when he first started to develop feelings for her. he tried- oh how he hard he tried- to hide this new emotions for her but then again she was always good character reader with those big expressive eyes of her.

"You are a bit silent today?' Hero suddenly asked trying to break the silence but most importantly her ever-deepening gaze.

She smiled. "I have nothing to say I guess," she shrugged, before continuing, "how about you? You usually have something to say."

"Well, the record company wants me to portray this mysterious quiet brooding type, better start practicing now I guess."

She looked at him questioningly. "Hmmm… you mysterious, maybe a bit but definitely not quiet and brooding, you are too funny and nice to be quiet and brooding."

"its way better than being the 'cute one' trust me, at least being the mysterious brooding quiet type I only have to look sad and not talk too much but heaven forbids if I know what being 'cute' means." Jaejoong shuddered at the thought.

"Well, I think being cute means acting like…"she tried to explain before interrupted by the groaning Jaejoong.

"Oh, please, please, please don't tell me what it meant. I have enough trouble remembering the things they want us to do without trying my sanity by understanding the what they meant." Shuddering again.

"So the whole plan of 'world domination through brainwashing music' is starting to kick in huh?" she asked as she took a bite out of the scrumptious vanilla icing cup cake.

He nodded as he licked the cream from his muddy mud chocolate cake.

"Good, just don't forget to remember the little people who got you there," her fingers pointing at her chest, "when you are so far on top you couldn't see the ground."

"I will never forget about you..." his voice dropped into seductive drawl and his eyes heating up to a smoldering gaze before he can stop himself, making her choked on the cupcake she was eating in surprise. Her eyes bulging questioningly at him as she tried to breath from the cup cake blocked windpipe.

Realizing he was in dangerous ground, he quickly adds jokingly, "How could I forget you, umm…." He snapped his fingers pretending to forget her name, "umm... you… what is your name again?"

"Ha…Ha… very funny Jaejoong, its Aii Sasaki by the way and if this music thing doesn't work maybe you should try to be a comedienne." She retorted sarcastically.

He just laughed out loud though he felt very relieved inside as she grumbled and cursed him at his poor attempt of joking, quickly forgetting his sudden lapse in judgment and plain common sense.

6666666666

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**You're the person that I can't love but still dream,**_

_**I want to lay a playful K-I-S-S on you,**_

_**My desire overflows,**_

'Why oh why does it have to be her!' he silently cursed at the sky even though he wasn't particularly religious but at this moment in time, as he walk behind her to her house, he was more than convince that somebody up there must really hate him to do something as heinous as making him fall in love with her of all the billions of females in this world.

He was walking beside her earlier but he had to force himself to follow her from behind when he tried to do something so seductively improper.

They were walking side by side in as she talk about anything that popped in her mind; her head turned the other side with her eyes fixed on the beautiful clear night sky. And him watching her watching the moon and starry sky – grunting and replying "yes" in appropriate times in response though he barely listen- as they've always done countless times before when ever they were on their _'substitute date'_.

But suddenly she turned around, looking up to him, asking him for confirmation for something she just said. She then fell silent waiting for him to respond, smiling. That is when he realized their lips were only inches of each other. And that smile. Oh how he wanted to wipe that smile off her face with his lips.

At that specific moment, his whole world is those full rose blush lips. He knows nothing but her lips and the almost uncontrollable urged to kiss those lips senseless.

He was inching closer to the sweet heaven, inching closer to her lips. But then it moved, the lips are moving, breaking his concentration.

'Why are the lips moving? Why is it moving?' his head scream, his eyebrow furrowed in confusion as he inched even closer.

"Jaejoong , JAEJOONG…!!" she screamed. That finally got his attention and manage to stop himself from going that extra 10cm- give or take- that separate him from heaven and possibly also the key to the Pandora's box.

"Really, it's the second time you blank out on me today. Are you sure you're okay? Maybe they're working you too hard in that music company of yours." She looked at him with concern, which he managed to wave off by very loud and awkward laugh and proceed to follow her from behind the entire way back to her home.

"Idiot..." he cursed himself in whispered tone for his almost major fumbling and the most un-suave save of the fumbling in the world.

'_At least she bought it.' _He thought, before arguing with himself, '_of course she bought it you idiot, what else could she derive from your momentarily lapse of sanity? That you love her with all your heart desire? Stupid Jaejoong, haven't you learn it yet. You can't love her because she is you're…'_

Before he could finish the sentence in his head, she interrupted him, "I'm here," signaling at the big white door, "thank you for today I had a really great time, as always." She said giving him a warm grateful but friendly hug.

"It's always my pleasure to spend my time with you." There is no lie in is his voice.

"And Jaejoong, could you tell _him_ that he shouldn't work to hard, I'm really worried about him. This is the third time he bailed out on me at the last minute." Her face turned a bit melancholic, "you should call him, he always answer if it's from you. Tell him to remember to eat on time and sleep, you know how it is if got caught up in his work." She reminded him before giving him a small wave goodbye returning back to the big white door.

He let out a tortured breath as she close the door behind her, him walking back to wherever, continued his interrupted musing. 'I_ can't love her because she's my best friend's girlfriend.'_

_**But I can't love you,**_

_**You're my best friend's girlfriend,**_

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	3. Chapter 2

_**Love is too harsh**_

_**It decides for when we meet on its own**_

"Hey, what's up?" greeted Seungjin from the other end of the earth.

"Nothing, just checking whether or not you are still alive and breathing." Answered Jaejoong lazily, slumping down to the couch in an apartment he shared with four other males that the record company assigned him with.

"Breathing yes but I'm not so sure about the being alive part, I'm so tired I think the last time I eat and sleep is when I'm flying to where ever I am." Seungjin sighed, sounding as tired as he said he was.

"Well get some sleep and for god sake eat something." He ordered his twenty-year-old friend bossily.

He laughed. "Well yeah what can you do, I'm either to busy or to worried to sleep and you know that I can only eat things that you cook," he joked light heartedly. "I've asked you to be my personal chef but you turned me down so you can be singer."

Jaejoong laughed. It is such a rare occasion to have a glimpse of his old friend shinning through that it never failed to surprise him every single time Seungjin let go. Ever since the devastating flying accident happened to Seungjin's family had left him to be a more quiet, serious and tense young man. It was like he had grown 30 years older in matter of days. But who wouldn't be if you're the only heir to your family's legacy; the billions dollar worth of real estate company built by his great grandfather. If he was given the same responsibilities that Seungjin had to carry, he was sure that he would've changed too. He understood the circumstances that his dearest friend is in but it doesn't mean he didn't miss his laid back with a wild imagination friend back.

"Aii asked about you." Said Jaejoong suddenly, taking the conversation into more serious tone.

"Oh that…" a bit of guilt shone through his voice, "it's not like I plan to stand her up you know, I got an important call from New York and I just had to leave."

"no it's not that, well it is but not exactly, " he sighed before continuing, Seungjin can be a bit dense sometimes, "she is really worried about you man, she asked me to give you a call, asked you to sleep and eat, you know it wouldn't hurt to give her a call sometimes or at least answer her call."

Seungjin let out a heavy breath. "I know man, but it's not like I'm doing this purposely to hurt her, I'm just so busy all the time that it's difficult to even have time for her," he let it loose to his long time confidant, "and you know I can't just call her, I missed her so much, I'm afraid if I hear her voice I will just leave everything behind for her and I cant do that not when thousands of workers depended on me for their livelihood."

Jaejoong listened silently as he continues, "sometimes I think I'm too selfish with her, she's so good to me, always there when I needed her even when I'm not, she deserved better than me- I know I need to let her go but I can't," he said sincerely, "I love her so much and she's the only good thing in my life right now even if I'm not there to enjoy it but as long as I know she's there I'm happy."

"Just be careful okay, Aii is a very beautiful girl and a nice one too, a very rare combination these days and if you're not careful someone else might snatched her up right under your nose." He warned grimly.

Seungjin just laughed. "If I don't know any better you are the one who's trying to snatch her from under my nose." He laughed again (_damn that man_, cursed Jaejoong), "okay bye man, I need to catch some sleep, don't want to worry Aii now do we? Tell her I said hi and I promise I'll try to make it next time so she wouldn't have to endure your torturous company anymore."

"Well if that really happened you only have yourself to blame," grumbled Jaejoong to the disconnected line, "substitute date my foot."

It was a bad idea from the start and he shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place, but he did. Then again, who in the right mind begged his perfectly straight and not blind friend to go on dates with his beautiful and wonderfully kind girlfriend whenever he couldn't make it?

'Someone who trust his or her best friend completely, that's who.' He answered himself.

He remembered the first time Seungjin asked him for this one of a kind favor. Aii was one of the nominees for a Fashion forward award ceremony where she managed to nab both the 'most promising young designer' award and 'best creative design of the year' award.

"Please Jaejoong, I can't just leave her dateless, it's her bloody night." Groveled Seungjin, practically on his hands and knees not looking the every bit of one of the most powerful man in Korea that he really is.

"Then why don't you go, you're her boy friend not me," shot Jaejoong back, "beside I only met her a couple of times so even if I do go, the whole night will be filled with awkward silences and she will be miserable, it would be better if you go instead."

"Ha you and I know that is not true because in those 'couple of times' you so eloquently describe, you both hit it off like old friends, she'll have a great time with you as she would with me," a superior look from Jaejoong, grasping that he had missed the point completely, "I know what you're trying to do and there is nothing in the world I rather do than go with her tonight, but that is not an option, I've got an emergency meeting in France that I have to attend."

"One meeting wont make any difference if you missed it." Said Jaejoong softly; trying to understand the pressure Seungjin is under ever since he was name the owner of the company.

"But it does don't you see? Every shareholder in the company are practically waiting for me to slip up so they can take over and I can't just let Lee family's legacy go down the drain because the shareholders couldn't trust me enough to run the company. I can't make any mistakes."

"Okay, I'll go with her but this is the last time," replied Jaejoong, finally relenting, "do try to take it easy, the world aren't going to fall apart just because you took the day off."

And that night, the first of many, Jaejoong substituted Seungjin as Aii's date every single time Seungjin couldn't make it- which is many. Her he was two years later, he was still Seungjin's backup man and after a while he stopped trying to resist from playing the substitute and even looking forward to spend his time with Aii. However It was not until last year –when he felt jealous, angry and disappointed all at the same time after he saw Seungjin and Aii walking hand in hand in a rare moment when he was able to go out with his girlfriend at the last minute- he realized that he was falling hard and fast for his best friend's girlfriend and there is nothing he can do.

'Life couldn't get any screwed up than this.' Hid word muffled by the pillow on his face, as he turned around trying to get some sleep, and hope by some miracle that the last two years hadn't happened yet or at least his feelings will be gone by morning.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To hold your hand,**_

_**I have to leave with it,**_

_**And lose something**__**else,**_

"I don't think that is a chicken." As she looked at the frozen bird that Jaejoong hold up for her inspection. Her face all scrunched up in pure concentration as if trying to meticulously find any clue that will reveal the identity of the frozen item at the supermarket, which was to her was anything but a chicken.

He rolled his eye towards the heaven. Girls these days are so useless and absolutely clueless with cooking and food that it was still a surprise how they still manage to survive without knowing how to is still a mystery to him.

"Trust me, this is a chicken." Putting the frozen chicken to the trolley.

She snorted. "That is so not a chicken, it's pink and wrinkly, and chicken that I have eaten in the past 20 years that I'm alive don't look like that."

"That is because my love those chickens are cooked and therefore looked different." Putting on his lecturer-with-a-dash-of-parents-scolding voice, "thank god I'll be the one who's doing the cooking because if we left that task to you we will be either starved or poisoned."

"I resent that," looking appropriately taken aback with his remark, before flashing him her mischievous grin, "there is always a delivery."

They laughed together, picking up few other ingredients before heading up to her home to carry on their ritual Sunday morning brunch, each week taking turns cooking or in Aii's case calling the nearest restaurant.

Immediately, after they arrived they went straight to the small white kitchen as they always do, with him start preparing their brunch and Aii helping him with whatever she can in comfortable silence. His favorite type of silence.

"Hey, Jaejoong thanks for whatever you said to Seungjin," said Aii suddenly while peeling the potatoes for Jaejoong's homemade Sheppard pie in her small white kitchen, "he actually returned my call, imagine my surprise." She continued almost sarcastically.

He raised his eyebrow. "You don't sound soo………umm….." unable to find the suitable word without hurting her feelings.

"you mean _happy _?" she looked at him over her shoulder, full of mirth, apparently find him being uncomfortable as funny.

"well, yeah." Trying not to rub his eyes with his onion juiced fingers. All in while wondering why she was less than ecstatic to hear from her boyfriend after such along time.

She sighs. " I don't know, I mean I still love him but I couldn't help but feeling we are drifting apart," she explained wistfully, looking intently at the potato peeler, "last night, when he called it was like I was talking with a stranger, I feel as if I don't even know him anymore."

"Maybe you're not used to talking to him anymore, he has been away much longer this time around, once he got back everything will be fine." He reassured her, while his selfish side cursed him for not taking advantage of her sudden change of heart only to be comfort by his much louder conscience that tell him that he was doing the right thing.

"Perhaps you're right, I am probably over thinking all of this," she smiled while shaking her head as if she was physically trying to shake all the bad thoughts out of her mind, before she turned around facing him completely, "but that's exactly it, I can't just wait for him to get back for the rest of my life, he wouldn't even answer my phone call if you hadn't told him to and even when he did it was as if he was rushing me, like he had other million things much more important than spending a minute or two talking to me, I barely even see him anymore and he sends you every single time he couldn't make it, which is a lot of time that even my father thought that I was dating you instead of him."

'That would've explain everything.' Thought Jaejoong.

He remember the time when Aii's father got really sick, and Seungjin promise her that he would accompany her to visit his father at the hospital at least but at the last minute he had to send Jaejoong instead and since then he had been dutifully accompanying Aii to the hospital everyday until the old man took his last breath. But a week before he died, Mr. Sasaki actually pull him to his side when Aii gone out of the room to get more warm water, and told him that he is a good man and he couldn't asked for any one better and then asked him to take good care of his little girl. At first he thought Mr. Sasaki was just hallucinating but before he could ask any further Aii walked into the room. And now he knows. How ironic is it that he got the approval of the father of the girl he love and he is not even dating her. He smiled bitterly.

"you know what, I think I am not that upset if Seungjin and I aren't together anymore," she continued softly, "I know you're his friend first but I'm afraid that I'll lose you to along with him."

He pulled her into his embrace, holding her hand close to his heart, "you'll never lose me." Wanting more than anything to hold her hands forever but knew that it will come with a price he doesn't know if he's willing to pay or not.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"come on you promise that you would do anything I want." She whined.

"but the anything does not include dancing in a middle of nowhere at midnight." As Aii dragged him through the woods to make their way to the beautiful empty field with wild flowers sprouting on every corner. When she first saw the field for her summer/spring line photo shoot earlier that day she knew that this was the perfect place to make her childhood dream come true.

"please, please, I always wanted to go to a beautiful meadow at the middle of the night when no one is around as I feel the soft wet grass underneath my feet as I dance under the big shinning moon with a beautiful white dress." She begged, as her eyes turn big and glassy, shinning as beautifully as the moon in the black ink sky.

"And this got to do with me how?"

she sighed exaggeratedly. "because it would seem crazy if I do it alone." She explained with patiently, as if talking slower would made more sense.

"but it wont be if you do it with partner?" looking at her like she was a part crazy and part eccentric.

She just rolled her eyes in response, dragging him further into the woods, "come just follow me, you did promise me you'll do anything."

He smiled to himself as he allows her to drag him further into the darkness. He did say he would do anything when she called him earlier that night when he was still in bed, trying to nurse his guilt for not telling Seungjin about Aii's recent conversation with him when he called this morning and twice the week before. And to making things much worse, he just agreed to go out with his best friend's girlfriend in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, and he has been flirting with her which she reciprocate by flirting back, the whole two weeks after the kitchen incident. He groaned. He is the worse friend that ever lives in this entire universe.

"What's wrong?" she was looking at him with concern, after she heard him making that weird sound.

"Nothing." He answered as she continues to drag him.

He sighed softly. It wasn't as if he was doing these things purposely to steal Seungjin's girlfriend …. Okay maybe he did but he wasn't doing it consciously like he was subliminally trying to sabotage his best friend relationship with his girlfriend who happened to be the love of his life. And things started to unfold ever since their deep conversation in the kitchen, things between them had shifted from just being close friend to 'close friend with potential to be something more'. His life is turning into some bloody Korean soap opera.

"we are here." Her soft voice interrupts his musing. Looking up, he finally saw what she had been insisting for him to see from the beginning of the night. It was simply breath taking. Even more so under the soft moon light.

The meadow was filled with the greenest grass, and wild flowers with bright colors popping everywhere. The only thing that is more beautiful than the scenery is Aii with her in awed smile etched on her beautiful face. The long flowing white summer dress made her look glowing and almost ethereal under the moonlight.

"shall we dance?" she asked, holding out her hand to him.

He smiled. "I should be the one who said that." He answered but took her hand anyway, a surge of serenity travel from the tips of his fingers to his whole body- like it was meant to be- as their hand enter lace with each other. The slight shiver from her told him more than words could that she felt what he felt too.

He put his hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him as he guide her to the middle of the meadow, dancing to the slow tune in his head, actually thanking the music company for all those hours spent learning how to dance. Surprised by the fluidity of his movement, she smiled adoringly as she lowered her head to his shoulder enjoying the moment.

They were caught up in their own reality as they danced to the beat of their heart. There are no complications, no hearts broken, no loving in the shadow and no Seungjin. There are just he, she and the beautiful moon above them.

"Jaejoong…" her voice husky, pleading for something that she didn't know.

"Aii…." and then just like that his lips was on hers, kissing her fervently with all the passions he bottled up in years, with Seungjin far back in his mind. All he can think about is how perfect her lips felt against his own, how perfect she tasted and how she respond to him with equal fervor. Matching his intensity with hers. They were lost in each other.

'BUUKKKK…'

"what??" she said breathlessly, looking up at him still in daze from the kiss.

He cupped her face, trying to pull her back into the moment, not wanting it to end, "it's probably a squirrel or something."

But the moment was over.

She panicked as the realization of their action dawn on her, he can see it clearly in her eyes, "oh my god, oh my god, what have I done."

"Aii.. I…" he wanted more than anything in the world to comfort her, to wipe that fear and guilt from her eyes, wanting to say that whatever happen to them before is meaningless that they were just caught up in the moment. But he couldn't bring himself from saying those lies, the selfish part of him wouldn't let him.

"we can't do this. No, we shouldn't do this. Oh my god, Seungjin… I need to go, I need to leave…"she mumbled on, before giving him one last panicked stricken look, she bolted. Running as far away from him as possible. Leaving him alone in the beautiful meadow, with strange feelings in the pit of his stomach.

"this is bad… this is really bad…" he muttered to himself.


	4. Chapter 3

"Come on man, you can't just brood all day in bed, you need to get out." throwing a pillow at Jaejoong in an attempt to make him to get out of bed for the umpteenth times for the day, Changmin sighed loudly in exasperation.

knowing Jaejoong wont lift his butt from the bed, Changmin resigned his fate as the unofficial shrink as he made his way to Jaejoong's bed, making himself comfortable on the said bed beside the lying form of Jaejoong, stalling time as long as he possibly can before entering this heart-to-heart talk. Seriously, he is not paid enough to this too, along with the cute routine he had to keep up. Hell, he is not even paid yet. Period. The only reason he was stuck with this task was because of his inability to win any paper-scissor-rock games and the fact that he was the youngest of the five boys living in the same apartment. He hates it when they turn that one against him.

He sighed again, all this fighting with himself inside his own head is not going to solve anything. Sooner or later he had to ask Jaejoong what's wrong. And it better be sooner than later, and just get it over with.

Without wasting another minute of his life that could be spend on eating, he smacked Jaejoong hard across his head.

"hey, why did you do that for?" Jaejoong shot up indignantly, massaging his sore head.

"finally some response, I thought you're dead under those covers," answering cleverly as he dodged Jaejoong's attempt of revenge, "what is going with you, ever since Yoochun snuck you out of the apartment, you have been acting very broody, I know you are suppose to be the mysterious one in the group but don't you think hiding in your bed in the dark is kinda taking it to far?"

"I have not been broody, just contemplative." He denied as he gave up trying to hit Changmin's head, as he has a reflex of an eel.

Changmin snorted, rolling his eyes to the heaven, "whatever dude, but the main point is you haven't been cooking for days now by being 'contemplative' in your bed and I have been resorted to eating instant food and take-outs, and do you know what instant food could do to my perfect complexion?" he ranted on, stealing a look at the mirror in front of him, checking out his face as he did so before continuing on with his rant, hands all up in the air , "what happen to you and Aii? Usually after you go out with her, you'll be in a good mood that you actually prepared us a banquet without being asked. But do you see a banquet out there? Do you? Because I don not see any banquet out there nor do I see any form of healthy freshly made food in the past three days."

"I kissed her." He blurted out, anything to stop Changmin and his infamous never-ending rant.

Changmin went dead silent. His mouth hanging open and eyes threatening to bulge out like a gaping fish. but there are still no sound coming out from that annoying mouth, just sweet silence. If he had known it will only took this to silent Changmin, he would have said 'I kissed her' millions times in the past.

"WHAT!!" yelled Changmin finally regaining his voice.

"I… Kissed… Aii…" Jaejoong pronounced the word one by one, knowing how aggravated Changmin gets when treated like a child.

Sure enough he snapped, smiling quite blandly as he usually does when irritated, " I understand that part, thank you very much, I was just making sure that you really said what I think you said, now that we clear things up I just have one more question. Are you CRAZY!!" emphasizing the last word with two octaves higher and flailing of hands.

Jaejoong groaned. "apparently I am."

And that broke the proverbial camel's back, and all hell broke loose as Changmin exploded into another rant, pacing madly in front of him and face red that could compete with a tomato. He tried to follow to whatever Changmin was trying to say but only manage to hear the words betray, stupid and somehow chicken and pudding.

"are you done now?" asked Jaejoong, after Changmin finally calmed down from his ranting.

"almost," he replied, taking a deep breath after lacking of oxygen for full 8 minutes from all the talking, "you do realized she has a steady long term boyfriend?"

"yes." Jaejoong groaned.

Changmin continued calmly, "and the boyfriend is happened to be your best friend since childhood?"

"I know, I know…" he admitted, eyes close tight not wanting to see the expression on Changmin's face, " I am so screwed"

"I agreed with you on that part," Changmin agreed readily, earning another groaned from Jaejoong, "though not necessarily, it depends…" giving Jaejoong the first ray of light for the first time in the whole conversation not just un understandable words and food. He knew deep inside all that cooking for the kid every time he whined for food would not be in vain. Changmin will come up with something that will save his butt.

"Depends on what?" he asked anxiously when Changmin didn't continue fast enough.

"Well, is it a 'get caught up in the moment thing' or do you actually really like her and caught up in the emotion?" asked Changmin carefully.

"No, I really like her…"pausing for a moment before putting his hand up in surrender, "God, whom am I kidding, I freaking love her even before the kiss," smacking his head onto the soft pillow as punishment for himself, "I am so screwed!"

"yes, you are man." Agreed Changmin putting a sympathetic hand on Jaejoong's shoulder.

"And somehow when you said it like that it doesn't make me feel any better." Shot Jaejoong at Changmin's attempt to be sympathetic, every word dripping with sarcasm.

"Well you did admit it yourself, I am just agreeing with you," he answered with a shrugged, who earned another death glared from Jaejoong, "hey, don't look at me like that. I am not the one who's in love with my best friend's girlfriend here."

That earned him a good hard smack in the head, "ouch Okay I probably deserve that, but the one question still remain, my Jaejoong dear, what the hell are you going to do about this mess?"

He collapsed back to the bed in frustration, " I don't know, I could always tell her it didn't mean anything and forget about the whole deal and return back where we were with me suffering in silence, but I don't want to go back to that but what choice do I have? I seriously don't know what to do."

"You better think fast man 'caused she just called come by about 30 minutes ago," Changmin advised, sparring a glance to his wrist watch before looking back at him, "and by the looks of it, she'll arrive any minute now."

"And you just telling me this now?" said Jaejoong exasperatedly.

"Well, excuse me, I am not the one who spent the whole day in bed under the cover even after I call you for millionth of times," he said in mocked offence, and before Jaejoong could give a scathing reply, like all bad coincidence in life that seemed to be to dreadful to be happening anywhere else than real life; the door bell rung, "there she is, go don't keep her waiting." Pulling him up and pushing him towards the door.

"But I don't want to go.." he whined as he reached closer to the front door with the help of Changmin's surprisingly strong push for such thin and almost skeletal body.

Changmin grinned with evilness that can compete with the devil himself. "too late." Opening the door, pushing him out and effectively locking him out from the apartment.

"hey." Greeted Aii softly, there's an edge of cautiousness laced in her voice where there were none before.

"hey." He greeted back.

"we need to talk." She said after awhile.

"yes we do." And his heart couldn't feel any heavier.


	5. Chapter 4

_**You who I can't love**_,

_**My heart goes out to you,**_

They were sitting on the opposite seat of each other at their favorite spot in their favorite café. And that damnable silence again that always manage to follow them everywhere, the 'beyond words' silence he always coveted now are torturing him to no ends. They have been sitting like this for almost an hour without any words between them. The tension and the silence were stifling and he needs to end it now.

"I have something to say." They both blurted out at the same time. And suddenly, just like that the cloud of tension lifted away. A small sense of familiarity returns between them and he was grateful no matter how little. She gave him her sweet and slightly wicked amused smile of hers, and he couldn't help but smile back.

"I want to say I' sorry for running away from you before." She finally said, after they stopped grinning to each other like bunch of idiots.

"Me too, I' also sorry about the ki- wait what did you say?" not quite believing he heard her correctly. She said at she was sorry for running away not for the kissing part, right? Why should she be sorry about running away since it's within her right to run away after he practically jumped on her like some animal?

Reading his confused look, she explained, "I said I'm sorry for running away from you so suddenly that night, its just that I panicked and confused so I did do only thing I can think off, I ran," she looked at him guiltily before continuing, " it's just that when your lips touched mine, my defense crumbled. God knows how I hard I tried to be indifferent to you but you were always so close- and I want you to be close- but sometimes I feel that I've been holding on to mere thread when I'm with you. And when we kissed, all of my heart poured out and I don't think I can contained it all back in any more."

She paused for a moment; he could see that she was trying to phrase her words carefully for whatever she wants to say next. He wants to say something in return but when she confessed her feelings for him, his tongue went numb. Even if he were able to string two words together, it would be mouthful of gibberish.

"Before I tell you everything my heart wants you to know for very long time and probably in the process say something that will make things more awkward and irreparable than it already is, I need to know whether the kiss to you is only something that just happened or it meant something more?"

He was silent again, his eyes dropped down to the table, unable to bring himself from looking into her eyes and see what he desperately need to see in her eyes: love, as the thought of Seungjin crossed his mind. The tension in the air thickens considerably, even more than before as he tried to contemplate his will-be-actions and the consequences that will come with it, but finding himself unable to think of anything else than the fact that there is a big possibility that she might return the feelings and at the thought of that all the rational part of his thinking have shut down immediately, never getting pass the present and the happiness it offers.

He stood up suddenly, now knowing what he should have done a long time ago. He could see her surprised look turned to a disappointed and hurtful expression as he walked seemingly trying to pass by her and leave her. But then as he reached by her side he stopped and pulled her to her feet, cradling her in his arms, his lips descending onto her softly. Tasting her. Remembering her. Though it was less passionate but there was deliberateness to the kiss, that wasn't there under the moon. Love can be felt for every brush of their lips.

"Does that answered your question?" he asked huskily, when he finally able to tear his lips from hers.

She smiled of those damnable smiles of her and replied. "Yes." Holding him closer to her as she rested her onto his chest, "I love you, and I have been for a long time, I just didn't realized it."

He smiled, bent down and kissed the top of her head softly, "me too, I love you…"


	6. Chapter 5

Three blissful weeks had passed since the fateful event in the restaurant, and he had never been happier in his life than he had been this past few weeks. So blissfully happy in fact that he had to pinch himself to make sure that he wasn't dreaming a wonderful dream that will end as soon as he wake up. But he wasn't so selfish that he only feel happiness. You don't become best friend with someone for more than a decade without at least feeling guilty for lack of better terms stealing his girlfriend, no matter how strained his relationship with the said girlfriend was. So he controlled himself whenever Seungjin call him for a chat from spilling out the whole truth- after agreeing with Aii not to tell and not to officially date each other until she'll be able to tell Seungjin herself face to face, she said that she owed him that much.

Though he was a bit reluctant to agree with her plan since he rather just get over it quickly, you know like pulling off a band aid, we do it quickly and deal with the consequences later but he sees her reasoning for wanting to wait until he's here. Seungjin for all his fault deserve more than to receive the news of his best friend stealing his girlfriend through the phone. But this left him with a whole lots of time in between which in return allows him to think. And he wasn't particularly fond of thinking right now. So as much as wants to break out from the common boy band cookie cutter perception; you know big on the outside but not so much is going on in the inside particularly in the head, he really didn't want think things over especially when he is this happy.

This is because he knew that even in the best case scenario which is highly unlikely to happen; their friendship will survive but would be left into awkwardness with polite conversations and few but so far in between of their old friendship shinning through at its best. Not a situation he would want for him and Seungjin. Ever. No matter how much Seungjin had changed, he is his friend for practically his whole life and a damn good one at that. When everyone trying to convince him that a career in music is not a practical and realistic ambition, Seungjin was the only one who stood by his side, encouraging him and even helped him during those hard times when he had to choose between food in his stomach or roof above his head in pursuit of dreams. And what he's trying to do to Seungjin is just fell a little short of betrayal. Hence his unwillingness to think. Understandable, no?

Unfortunately Aii wasn't helping with his less than noble cause, always asking him whether he truly wanted this to happen despite the imminent consequences, since she felt that he had more to lose than she does.

He groaned. Just when he thinks he wont over think things, there he goes again, thinking _again. _He pushed all thoughts of thinking, shifting the bouquet of white lilies to his left arms, as he gets ready to meet Aii at the park. Not on a real date mind you, so don't get your knickers in a bunch. Its one of their substitute dates. Seungjin's trip to New York was taking up a longer time than expected.

Okay to some of you these maybe consider as cheating, since they promised not to date until they told Seungjin everything. But if you really think about it, it's not really a date. Hey, don't judge. A condemn man needs to take happiness whenever he can. Because he knows when all off this blows out, happiness will be the last thing on his mind.

He shook his head, pushing the maudlin thought far back into his mind as he looked up a view in front of him. Aii was a vision in a beautiful flowing soft yellow dress, waiting idly for him, sniffing few wild flowers sprouting nearby. Sensing his presence, Aii turned around and flashed him her beautiful smile, the one with sparkling love in her eyes, the smile he longed for her to wear for him.

Smiling back as he approached her, couldn't wipe off the stupid grin on his face, trying to reach her side. His eyes fixated on her radiant face feeling light-hearted with butterflies in his stomach and sunshine shinning on his head in contrast with the sky is becoming quiet gloomy, threatening to pour down the rain.

Then just as suddenly, her eyes dimmed and a little frown edge her face. Confused, he stopped in the middle of his track and a question mark clear in his expression, looking up at her for answer.

"Seungjin….." he could almost hear her whispered that name, and immediately his blood run cold. Not in anger or hate or even jealousy. Just pure unadulterated shock.

Finally snapping out of momentarily lapse of the state of shock, he saw what she saw. Seungjin appearing out of nowhere, hugging Aii in a manner only a lover would, which Jaejoong supposed he still was. But that didn't soothe the mixed feelings coursing through his vein. And Aii who's staring right at him, returning Seungjin's embrace as neutral as possible without raising any suspicion on Seungjin's part, looking very torn.

Seungjin still in the dark with his girlfriend's discomfort for the normal display of affections, leaning towards Aii for a kiss. She tactfully avoided the kiss to Seungjin whom seem puzzled by his girlfriend sudden frostiness. She whispered something to his ear and he broke into a big goofy grin, and before Jaejoong could do anything at the sight of his best friend grinning- that could only meant one thing: he knew he was here.

But that didn't stop him from turning around and trying to run however he was a little bit to late as Seungjin hollered his name, "HEY HYUNG (brother in Korean)!"

He groaned. Plastering a big happy plastic smile –whispering a thanks to the music company for the first time for forcing them to take all those acting lesson because without which Seungjin could surely tell he was faking it- and chucking the lilies into the bush beside him before turning around and walk towards the 'happy couple'.

" Hyung, its good to see you back." Grabbing Seungjin for a big friendly brotherly hug.

" Well let me tell you, it's good to be back," returning the hug with one of his own, "new York was getting tiring well at least the part where I worked my self to death, and thanks to friendly warning from Jaejoong here, decided to take an early leave, a few weeks off wont make any difference right."

Another forced smile left his lips, not that Seungjin notice since he was busy fussing on very uncomfortable Aii. Damn him and his own well-meaning unselfish advice.

"…So hyung… I don't want to sound like _we _don't want you here or anything," said Seungjin in mock cockiness, warping his arm around Aii, " but _we _have a date of movies and food this evening, unfortunately only for two, so again thank you for coming and all your – I am sure- excellent service but unfortunately the real deal is here so your service as the substitute date today is no longer needed so please excused yourself in the nearest exit."

"Ha very amusing Seungjin, I see your sense of humor have not improved much since we saw you last." Through the whole conversation the only thing that he could focused on was that it was a 'we' now when only days ago he didn't have enough the decency to pick up the phone when she called.

He stole a glance at Aii who haven't even made a sound since the beginning. She was caught between the feelings of guilt and uncomfortable. Eyes wild looking from side to side. Under normal circumstances, he is a nice person and don't usually wish harm onto other people when he was in harm ways. But he was glad she was uncomfortable. What can he say, sometimes misery loves company.

"seriously dude, I love you and all, but you really need to leave right now." asked Seungjin rather impatiently.

"I'm going I'm going, I'm gone. But before I do, just remember that imitation may not be as good as the original but at least 'it' has a full capacity of 'its' humor which can not be say the same to the so called original." turning around and walk away as quickly as he ever been in his life , not wanting to listened any witty comeback from Seungjin, and most importantly not wanting Seungjin see the ugly twist in his face in mixture of anger, jealousy and ultimately an unbridle guilt.


	7. Chapter 6

"You do know that someone else has to call the phone first before it can ring right? It wont magically ring even if you stared at it with your extra deathly glare." Changmin's said sarcastically as hand Jaejoong his hot chocolate milk reluctantly prepared by Changmin's 'I-rather-go-on-starving-then-cook-even-though-you-only-boil-water' own two hands.

"Leave me alone!" sulked Jaejoong, burying his face in his teddy after unsuccessfully throwing a pillow in Changmin's direction.

Changmin let out a worldly sighed, the kind only the youngest boy band member trapped in a small apartment can do. Taking a seat next to Jaejoong on his bed, setting both cups of steaming hot chocolate at the small bedside table.

" All this 'pity party' has to stop, if you want to talk to her then you have to pick up the phone and call, if you want something you go and get it and you don't just lay pathetically on bed all day with your teddy bear in hand, staring at the phone as if it will ring by the pure concentration of your mind. Could you believe that they want _me_ to be the pathetic one?" Scoffed Changmin.

"It's _cute_ and not pathetic," corrected Jaejoong, raising his head slightly from Mr. Bear, " and since when in hell you get so wise?"

" First of all, whatever…. And second of all I am _eighteen _not bloody _eight."_ Replied Changmin indignantly. A

Jaejoong pretended to not hear anything Changmin said, burying his head further into the bear.

Losing all his patience, Changmin grabbed the bear roughly from under Jaejoong, causing his head to bounce hardly against the bed.

"hey…." Jaejoong complained, rubbing his slightly bruised forehead.

"don't be such a baby man," Changmin's eyes rolling heavenward, I his mind he couldn't believe that he was doing this to a supposedly twenty year old man, increasingly became annoyed as his oldest _hyung_ whom supposed to guide them all wouldn't even lift his butt for something he really wants, "for god sake, just pick up the phone and call, that _damn thing_ wont ring on its own."

And then as if by miracle or stupidly horribly lucky coincidence – depends on which side of view you're on – the _'damn thing'_ broke into a ring, and it ringed as it never rings before. And in those few precious moments, Jaejoong actually believed in the higher power.

Smiling victoriously at open-mouthed Changmin, he grabbed the phone as quickly as humanly possible, not wanting the miracle to end without him answering it.

"Hello, Aii?" he answered the phone expectantly.

"Hmmm… _hyung_ its me." A decidedly smooth male voice was answering the other side of the phone. Changmin seeing Jaejoong's face fell, knew at once that it wasn't Aii at the other end, immediately danced his victory dance.

"_wwhhaattt??"_ asked Jaejoong through gritted teeth, seething at Changmin, who is still dancing without a care of his own personal safety.

" Sorry, I didn't know you're waiting for a call from Aii." Yoochun apologized.

"its not you, its _him…." _ Throwing Mr. Teddy at the dancing Changmin, and for the first time since well the first time ever he started to throw things at Changmin, he actually bulls eyed it right at the head.

" _him?" _questioned Yoochun.

" never mind it all, just tell me what you want?" his patience wearing thin.

" ummm…. Could you tell manager that I wont be coming back to the apartment to night?" Yoochun asked cautiously.

"fine, but you'll owe me one." Ending the call with a decisive click.

"I'm guessing that is not Aii?" taunted Changmin, which met with a dark scowl from Jaejoong.

Seeing his not so appropriate joke only making Jaejoong even more depress than few minutes ago, he put his hand on Jaejoong's shoulder in attempt of comfort.

" come on man, cheer up and just call her. Where is the harm in that? asked her for her health or something," said Changmin with a sigh, "maybe its a good thing that Seungjin came back here…."

Jaejoong immediately cut him off, not wanting to listen any guilt trip Changmin probably want to send him, " how is it it's a good thing for my almost girlfriend AKA the only love that I ever fall in love with to go on dates with his current boyfriend? Please tell me 'cause I'm dying to know?" he asked almost hysterically.

"god good man calm down, take a chill pill or something or anything you youngster do this days," exclaimed Changmin at Jaejoong's sudden outburst, " I haven't even finish my point yet, god you're so damn dramatic no wonder you haven't got a girlfriend yet."

"I hear a lot of crap but I'm still not hearing the point." Jaejoong said in an eerily calm voice.

" okay the point is that maybe now Aii could be with you for good, no more other hang ups, she her self said that she owed it to Seungjin to at least break it of face to face, and now he's here she could do that and you two could have a semi happy ending." Explained Changmin, choosing his word more carefully.

" I know… I know…. But I just cant helped feeling scared that she might choose him over me ." confessed Jaejoong in a low voice.

""well, it's the risk you have to take or you'll just have to make due with the half bake relationship – if you can even call it that- you guys have , : he reasoned, " and look at it this way, if she didn't pick you after all of this you'll just be losing something that was never truly yours in the first place."

"yeah I guess…" answered Jaejoong non-commit ally, though his heart screaming to say, _if I lose her I'll lose everything that matters._

**a/n; sorry for the late update and the shortness. I'm currently very busy now days. Moving across two oceans does that to you. But I promise updates will be almost regular in three months or so. sorry**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: sorry for the shortness of this chapter, but there is nothing I can do since it's a bridge from previous to next chapter and I couldn't end it any better than this. Again sorry. And please review. I wont know what you think of this if you don't review. Please!!**

"Damn……"cursed Jaejoong at the phone, practically slamming it on the table attracting the attention of few customers in the small café.

Ignoring the curious gazes of others, Jaejoong slumped dejectedly on the chair burning holes staring at the seemingly innocent mobile phone. But to him it is the worst device of torture ever, taunting him with eerily silences then when it deemed itself aggravating enough with the length of the silence, it will ring as loud as a monkey on fire only to disappoint him with the sound from the other side, which will be either gruff voices of his manager's, band mates' or his father's or the feminine sound of his mother and endless sisters, but never hers. The only voice he wanted to hear the most.

It had been weeks since he had seen her last, when he arrived at her doorstep for their first substitute date when Seungjin _finally_ left to attend an important business or something in Japan. There he was eager – and he was man enough to admit to himself, a little terrified- whether or not she's done the deed or not. He cant very well asked Seungjin himself. What would he say? "umm… Seungjin you looked very nice today and by the way did Aii broke up with you to be with me?" he doesn't have to be psychic to know how well that could've gone wrong.

She herself decided it was better if she's the one broke the news to Seungjin. She said it would seem less of a betrayal from both of their side that way. He couldn't see how. Since to him no matter how they say it to Seungjin, it would still sum up to him, Seungjin's only trusted best friend among a sea of opportunistic 'friends' that only seek the depth of his pocket and wont hesitate to backstabbed him for even more money –Seungjin told that himself, and Aii, the only girl Seungjin ever let in who surprisingly didn't care much for his influence, the car he drove and the money he has, had gone behind his back and commit the ultimate betrayal a best friend and girlfriend could've ever done to him. But she insisted that she should do it instead of him and explain so in extreme detail-not that he understand any of it only catching the words _friendship_, _longtime, guilty to me_ and _much harder for him _being repeated few times - while flailing her hands in the air looking like a very nervous chattery rabbit in doing so. And he knew by now if she started acting like that she wont be deter.

And there he was waiting like an idiot in front of her house to know what has happened between her and Seungjin only to be turned away by her reason of being sick and refusing to even tell him a single thing and proceeded to ignore or reject his calls and be miraculously absent every single time he was at her house or workplace. He was starting to feel very much like an unwanted stalker and he want to know why.

In his desperation he even broke his 'better-to-leave-Seungjin-alone-for-a-month-in-case-she-told-him-and-he-is-mad-at-him-and-giving-him-a-silent-treatment' plan and actually call Seungjin but he didn't answer. Which can only mean two things; 1. Seungjin is too angry at him to answer his calls which will lead to the conclusion Aii already told Seungjin everything and she currently having second thought about it so that's why she's avoiding him now or 2. Seungjin is too busy to answer which meant that he still doesn't now which lead him to think that Aii was having second thought and decided to stick to Seungjin and been avoiding him because she felt too guilty. It will be rough on him no matter which of the two situations he was in.

Slamming his head against the table again, not worrying whether or not he startled the waitress bringing his usual cup of coffee and a slice of bitter dark chocolate cake with no sweetening filling only with redeeming tangy strawberries on the side- it fits the mood, he thought grumpily.

There used to be days where life was simple. A time where his heart was not heavy with guilt and pain of loving in the dark. Where love was something he wondered on days where he had nothing to do but stared at the sky and the moonlight filling its darkness. A time where his heart doesn't have to choose between a deep friendship which he could possibly die without or an ultimate blissful happiness of love which means everything to him and probably wont ever have again in his life if he let this one go.

If there were such days where life was simple, he couldn't remember it even if his life depended on it.


	9. Chapter 8

22:12

**a/n: finally got internet. Sorry it took so long to update. So as a peace offering, I'm going to update as many chapter as possible within the next hour. And for the love of everything that is jaejoong please review.**

" Oww!!!" howled Jaejoong in pain after stupidly kicking a seemingly innocent huge hard rock out of frustration. He gingerly took off his shoe quiet painfully from his foot, deciding quickly that today is definitely not his day. He just got an earful and a knock on the head by their manager after he managed to topple over four other grown men to the grown for three continuous time during their short-live dance practice routine because he was too distracted like he had been the for every practices they had for the last few weeks. He just couldn't concentrate with so many things in his mind he rather not think about.

He peered closely at the swollenly purple toe and grimace in pain. he had now come into conclusion that kicking a rock hard in frustration does not only did absolutely nothing to relieve the said frustration but also will leave you with hideously swollen toe or worse. He looked up to the sky and even though he wasn't that particularly religious , he had this overwhelming need to scream to the sky, " WHY?!!! WHY?!!!!".

Any thoughts after that remained unfinished, disrupted by the loud ring of his phone which to tell you the truth almost gave him a heart attack since Aii is avoiding him and any family members and/or friends he had left were avoiding him or more precisely his less than sunny disposition, his phone have been having a ringing draught. He even almost forgot what is the ring tone of his phone.

"hey hyung." It's a male voice. It sounded familiar but highly unexpected .

"Seungjin?" he questioned, couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. This is extremely irregular. Scratched that, this is so weird that he began to doubt his sanity, wondering whether or not he somehow found himself in a twilight zone. Seungjin never ever initiate a call. Ever. Except in dire situations where it meant life or death. maybe not even then.

He was not being overly dramatic . the man could barely answer his phone when called let alone actually calling other people himself. Seungjin with all his technology savvy, don not like phones of any kind. A distrust he develops after seeing too much conspiracy movies with tapped phone in them but then again you cannot rule out just plain laziness.

" you expecting someone else?" Seungjin asked.

That got a laugh out of him. It wasn't that funny when he thought about it again sometimes in the near future. Maybe he just needed to laugh just for the sake of laughing. It did made him slightly feel better.

" to tell you the truth, yes I'm expecting someone else, actually everyone else except for you. There is a higher chances of the president of United States calling me on my personal mobile phone than you initiating a call to other people." Shot Jaejoong back. He can feel the tension leaving him at each passing second. He now remembers why he's stayed friends with Seungjin for so long despite all the crap and changes in him. because no matter what happened, Seungjin always manage to make him feel better in his bad day with out even knowing he did it.

" hey! That's not fair. I call other people…. Once in awhile." He replied, though getting more and more unsure towards the end.

"yes, you're right, if once in awhile means _never_ and making you're personal assistant do it, then you're right, you_ do _call other people."

"Oh, man that's harsh, music industry don not have positive effect on your personality." Quipped Seungjin before his tone took a serious turn, "actually I have a very important reason for calling you."

If there is any time in his life could be consider a big 'uh oh!' moment, this could be the big destructive proverbial Pandora's box within seconds of unleashing its fury on earth. Making him almost regret every sequence of events that led to this call. _Almost._

"Okay… what is it?" playing it off cool, pushing away the nerves from his voice which met with cruel excruciating silence from Seungjin who seemed determined to draw out every seconds from him.

"Actually…" Seungjin finally said after what seemed like eternity of waiting silence, "I'm waiting for you to tell me what too."

_Huh?. "_huh?" some things are best said out loud, that is what his grandfather always says and Jaejoong can see what he meant now.

"hyung, according to my hardworking assistant, that you have called my number almost five times a day everyday which by the way the last time you did that was when you left home to become a super duper mega star- you're words not mine," he answered in dead pan tone, " and those five calls a day don not include the frantic calls from your very many many beautiful sisters asking me- through my assistant of course- 'what the hell is wrong with you?' Since I made it a point to agree to whatever my candidates for my future wife so here we go, what the hell is wrong with you?"

when he heard the many words from Seungjin, relieve overflowed his insides drowning all other feelings of slight frustration and curiosity. If Seungjin is calling to know what happen then it meant Aii didn't tell him anything which meant they were back to square one or most likely square negative hundred since Aii is avoiding him like a pro.

" its nothing, its just I have been really stressed out lately, you know with the launching off the first album and everything, its just getting really tense here, I guess I'm not cut out to be –quote- 'super duper mega star' –end quote." He replied warily sensing the truth in his lies. With all the things going on lately, the music and Aii are really taking a toll on him. He felt tired and discouraged. And he is glad that he has Seungjin to vent everything.

Seungjin let out a sigh. " don't say that hyung, you've want this for as long as I can remember," he said calmly, " you always wanted to sing and now you are given the opportunity to do so, don't let it go because things got harder, you've been through things worse than this, you want this too much to give up now."

" I guess." Jaejoong replied unsurely.

"I think what you need is a long vacation, take a time off to recuperate and reevaluate, you can come here to New York, my assistant can show you around." Seungjin offered.

" Thanks, I think I will take you up on that one," thinking a good vacation maybe the answer to all his problems, distance is always good when you're stuck in a rut, "but I have to tied up some loose end before I go." Which meant mostly Aii.

"good, just call my assistant when you're ready," Seungjin said, a pause before he continue, "hang in there man, when things got bad it can only get better."

Jaejoong thought, ' you have no idea.'


	10. Chapter 9

22:15

"LET. ME. GO." Said Aii through gritted teeth, not once taking her eyes off his hand which securely holding her hostage, as if glaring at it will willed his hands off hers.

" Not until you answer a few questions." Tightening his grips, as she tried to pry her hand's free.

He didn't expect to see her at their usual little hangout, the aptly named Your Little Café since she have been missing in every place that he could think off that she might have gone to which includes her place of living and office. But she managed to not be there every single time he was there searching for her.

He was there for a cup of 'pick-me-up' espresso after a long exhausting day. He just called the airlines to confirm his flight to New York after getting an okay for two weeks vacations from their manager. He even goes as far as giving him extra three days off which come no less than jaw dropping shock since the man wont even give one day off unless you're stranded in a hospital somewhere. Maybe not even then.

He was setting the steaming half filled cup down, feeling the caffeine finally kicking in. sliding his gaze to the hustle and bustle of the registry/kitchen of the café, hoping that all that commotion could distract him from his own misery. then it was at that exact moment in time, he saw her. _Her. _Standing in front of the cashier, waiting for her drinks or whatever, looking every inch of a dream.

Before he can even stop himself, forgetting completely that she is high flight risk that should be approached with utmost subtlety and subterfuge. Not with such ferocity and eagerness that might scare away a deer in a hunt like he had shown to do. And just like a startled doe, he managed to alert Aii and every other un deaf dears in the café by knocking down the un finish cup of coffee on his table to the ground. But fortunately for him, that same eagerness was also the reason he managed to caught up with her outside the café despite the 3 minutes heads up she had on him.

"LET. ME. GO." She seethed again.

" No, not until you promised me you won't run away from me again." He replied equally stubbornly.

" Fine!" she agreed not with out venom, with her arm hanging limply in his hands as she no longer trying to pull it out of his grip.

"You can let go of my arm now, I'm not going to run away I promised." She said sarcastically, as he was still gripping her arm, not even realizing it, as he was to daze with this sudden turn of event.

He let go her arm quickly, with her making a big show of rubbing her arm.

"Well, what do you want?" she asked rudely.

That finally broke him from his reverie and pulses of emotions breaking through the damn of his heart all at once with anger leading the way.

"What do you mean ' what the hell do I want'?" he questioned, barely able to keep his voice in check, " you disappear on me for weeks, no call, no nothing, avoiding purposely with no explanation or anything, and here you are asking me what the hell I want, it should be clear what I want."

"In that case it should have been a clue to you, I don't want to this anymore, what ever this is between us." She answered, sounding more and more tired and defeated towards the end.

A cold sweat of realization broke through him as he grasp her meaning in her words, but he had to ask even though he pretty much understand what she meant, but he just had ask. To make sure. To reconfirm the literal end of his world, " I don't understand."

She sighed hard, rubbing her head in frustration or what, he didn't know. He was too caught up with turmoil of his own feelings to recognized hers.

"You _do _understand Taejon, this thing between us is hopeless from the beginning and I should've known before it spiraled out of control like now, I was hoping that by avoiding you for awhile everything will just pass away quickly and we don't have to deal with this," she explain wearily while keeping her head down most of the time, " what I had for you was just a passing fancy nothing more, I was too lonely and you were always there and Seungjin wasn't and I got mixed up, and when Seungjin came back my feelings for him return and I …."

" Stop, I don't want to hear it." He didn't know how much of her hurtful explanation he could take before he does something stupid.

She looked up at that, seeing every pain etched on his face that he hadn't manage to hide, "I'm sorry Jaejoong, I didn't mean to hurt you so much, I think its best if we don't see each other for awhile."

" Yeah, whatever." He said indifferently as the numbness of shock finally consumed him.

"I should go," she said hesitantly, looking worried leaving him like that.

"Then go." He said without feelings.

Realizing it was a lost cause, she sighed one more time before finally turning around and leave, stopping after a few steps, " I'm sorry." She said without looking back at him and then continuing on.

He was too in dazed to answer. Too in dazed to realized she was crying softly as she walked away. To in dazed to listen carefully to her barely audible sob, "love you…. Have to do this…. Forgive me…."


	11. Chapter 10

22:16

" This behavior cannot continue on Jaejoong," Mr. Joo, the manager of the newly formed tvxq, was usually a mild manner man with calm disposition so when rarely seen red splotches appear on his face due to anger would have made a comic scene if his anger at that moment in time wasn't actually been directed to him, "….. Forgetting lines and dance steps, lack of enthusiasm and discipline in practice and the list goes on, and so close to the band official debut too!"

Seeing Jaejoong neither cowered or show any feelings for that matter except for boredom and slight indifference, fueled more of his anger and unfortunately his rant, "I should have replace you ages ago if there is more time but fortunately at this time you are the only person knows all the dance steps and songs despite how poorly you have done them."

Jaejoong just sighed heavily. Tiredness and hopelessness threatening to consume him in any moment that all he wanted to do is bury him in the deepest hole he can find and never come out. but he couldn't, well at least not right now. Because right now he was too busy being scolded by their manager for the second time of the week after Aii decided to be with Seungjin instead of him and only to move to New York to continue her 'study' where Seungjin is conveniently situated five days later. Before he could even get over the shock to try to make her reconsider her decision. One of these days he had to learn that something's are not meant to be no matter how much you need them. No matter how much you try.

"what the hell is wrong with you." Mr. Joo questioned a touch sharply.

"it's nothing, I just have a lot in my mind to think about." Jaejoong finally participated in the one man conversation for the last hour or so, when he realized that their manager was actually expecting an answer to his supposedly rhetorical question.

It was his manager time to sigh, not out of tiredness like him but more of understanding world wary sigh, "what ever it is take care of it quickly and next time don't let anything no matter how affecting and personal to take over your career," he said kindly but eyes hard with seriousness, "I know you're still young and you don't know how to separate yourself from your problems but you have to remember that you're not the only who have to lose here, you've got to think of four other young men who's putting everything they have on the line for this thing to be successful."

"I know," he grumbled almost childishly, "I'm not deliberately being selfish here."

It wasn't as if he wasn't trying not to let the things that happened between Aii and him to disturb his career, he did try hard. a very small portion of the time it worked but for the most of it, it doesn't. He guessed the wound is still to fresh for him to completely get over it.

" I understand, believe me I do understand," his eyes taking a journey to the past before snapping out of it completely and continuing on with his advise, "I have been there in that part of your life before maybe with different situation and problems but I was there nevertheless, I felt as if the world is trying to crush me completely underneath it, but don't ever let it get between you and your dreams especially when you almost have it in your grasp, you'll regret it, the problem may seem bigger and consuming right now but it will never be bigger and more consuming than regret of dream lost."

He continued on, " do you know why you have been chosen over thousands and thousands of applicants?"

" because of my talent, charisma, star quality and I'm above the legal age or with the consent of parents?" Jaejoong quipped, directly quoting the requirements for audition applications, he himself had filled once upon a time ago, when all he can see was his dream and the intense drive of his need to succeed despite discouragements and few small defeats that seem greater at that time, when despite his best efforts he was rejected from one audition to the other, never once broke his spirit. Maybe, just maybe, the same could be said for what's happening to him now.

he chuckled in response, "I was waiting for one of you to throw that back in my face, the people 'upstairs' have been arguing for years on what they should put on that bloody list, and trust me before I put what ever ridiculous conditions on it, only a singing god can apply," he shared jokingly before sobering immediately, " you were chosen not just because you fulfilled those three conditions perfectly, its because that you want this so much that every judges on that audition can see the desire burning in your eyes, you wanted this for the long haul, not just some kind of self searching thing. You wanted this more than anyone else I knew and I truly believe that you could succeed in this business not just for now but I know you, all five of you, have what it takes to make it in the entertainment industry for a long time."

It met with a silence from Jaejoong. What the manager had said struck a chord in him that rendered him speechless. He used to want this so bad more than anything else in the world and he wont let anything get in the way of his dream. Five years ago he would have sold his left kidney to be where he is right now. To be in on the edge of victory, so close he could almost taste it.

" I'll hate to do it, but if you continue on the path your currently on, I will have no choice but to cut you out from the band and replace you with someone who actually want this." Said Mr. Joo seriously, "think about it carefully, it's your future on the line."

And with that he was dismissed from their meeting with plenty to think about but came up with an answer pretty quickly. He needed to get over this depression he's currently in and get his mind back in the game. He's not going to throw everything he had worked for almost half of his life for some girl whom doesn't even want him. Who only saw him as some kind of substitute to an absent boyfriend. No matter how much he thought he loved her or that he somehow knew that she was _it _for him and after her there's not going to be anyone for him. None that could compare.

He's going to get through this a better man and he's going to work harder that he had before to achieve his dreams. It' going to be hard. most of the time it's going to be struggle than success. But he's going to do it. From now on, nothing is going to distract him from his goals. Absolutely _nothing._


	12. Chapter 11

22:16

Six years later- Japan

His eyes tear a bit as he felt the burn of his first sake' for the night passing through his throat. Signaling the bartender to leave sake' bottle in front of him.

He took another swig of his drink, barely flinching as the dark bar chum five star restaurant suddenly filled with flashes of light from paparazzo's' cameras from the outside as the front door swung open, when some famous couple or other entered.

He chuckled to himself at the irony of his life. There were once a time in his life that he would do anything to be where he is today. A sought after singer with hits after hits, and not only just songs and albums but movies and dramas too, and owning one fifth of TVXQ Entertainment Company along with his sometimes former band mates, one of the most successful and influential company in the entertainment industry in the whole Asia, and if Yunho and Xiah's plan came through, soon the whole Europe and then possibly the world. But he couldn't help but feeling very empty sometimes, like he's missing something really vital. Just like the old days, before all the success, when all he got was ambitions and dreams and no way to get them. He also felt some kind of emptiness then, only this time he doesn't know what could fill that void. Sometimes on his worst day, all he felt was tired and empty. Like everything that he had had lost all its meaning.

Here he was, with everything a man could ever want, and he's dissatisfied. Maybe Changing is right. What he needed to do is to get his head out of his arse, moved on and settle down. Only the second and the third part of course, one would of think being married with two small children and another one on the way would rid Changmin of his dirty mouth. But that is another topic altogether.

Maybe he should try to settle down. He is not getting any younger and with exception of him and Yunho, all other tvxq's members had found themselves happily shackled with a wife and sometime with a kid or two. And they looked very content and satisfied with their lot. But according to Changmin, and this was apparently a shared sentiment by everyone in the group –he really need to find himself new sets of friends- that in order for him to do the whole settling down thing he needed to move on first.

"You need to let go first man," said Changmin when he had come for a visit to Changmin's secluded outside the city home, while grabbing the unruly three year old with a bar of chocolate energy to burn with an ease of a professional, "you still have a lot of hang ups from the past, unless you let them go it'll be hard for you to moved on, and even if you managed to it'll just caused problems in later date."

Before he could voice his objections, Changmin was too preoccupied by his three year old brat that managed to escape his father grasp and now giggling madly as the spontaneous chase around the living room ensued.

He knew what exactly what Changmin meant when he said that he needed to let go. But he did let go of her. After the initial pain of heart broken had passed, becoming a dull thump in his heart that most of the time he didn't even notice the after effects her and betrayal. He even began dating, two years after she had left. One doesn't get in gossips column as he did without some kind of truths behind it. So what if the longest relationship he had with someone after _her _is less than three weeks. And if after all this time he still referring her as _her_, never by her name and so what if all of the girls he dated except for one, famous or otherwise have some kind of passing resemblance of her.

"I know she doesn't have long wavy dark hair and dimples but my friend really likes you, and she's really nice and sweet and I know you'll like her too," said his favorite middle sister one day when they met up for their occasional lunch date- whom was still trying relentlessly trying to persuade him to go out with one of her friends even though he already said no more than ten times, proving time and time again that the word 'no' don't exist in her dictionary.

"You know its entirely not healthy to keep obsessing about Aii, and she's been what? Gone for three years already, one would think that you got over her already." Like a master manipulator that she is, changed her tactics when persuading sweetly and relentlessly paid no heed.

"I got over her, I dated around." He protested almost sullenly.

"Well could've fool me," she answered back, rolling her eyes in effect, "dating girls with similar physical and sometimes personal characteristic do not count as a sign of getting over someone."

And then as early as the week after that he asked her sister's friend on a date, and gave her 'I just don't feel anything like that for you' speech a week and a half later. And seven months later his 'favorite' sister got a five dollars gift certificate to some cheap store as a birthday gift. Even after she not so subtly trying to get him to buy her expensive watch she always wanted.

Some may call him vindictive but so what? So what if all of the girls he dated so far- save the one girl he dated to prove his sister wrong- have long wavy black hair, full rosy lips with dimples and have a great smile just like her. And sometimes they even have her carefree attitude and sarcastic wit. It just proves that he had a particular type, which in turn means that whatever feelings he had for _her_ had to be a fluke of some kind. Not a real thing, he felt that way for _her _because she was soo his type. And he took it hard when it ended because…. Because she was also his friend and that cut the wound a little deeper than normal if she was just someone he dated. And he hadn't been able to say her name because he was becoming too accustomed calling her _her_ after that whole year he spent sulking pathetically for her. And the whole Seungjin debacles also complicate things a bit. That is his theory and he is sticking to it even though no one else believed it.

"You're table is ready sir, and your company had just arrived." Said the host discreetly, breaking Jaejoong's reverie, signaling at the intimately small table for two at the far corner of the restaurant with currently one occupant.

As he made his way to his table, he knows one thing for sure, and that is tonight he is going to prove once and for all that his theory is nothing but the truth.

And with his practiced suave smile in place, he greeted his company for tonight; with the word he hadn't spoken for almost six years at the tip of his tongue.

"Aii…I'm glad you can make it."

A/N: that's all for now, I promise to update as soon as the chapter is finish, it wont be long now.


	13. Chapter 12: just author's note

15:00

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating in the past recent months. I found myself with a terrible writer's block for this fict. I just couldn't seem to start writing the next chapter. I know where the story is going but I just can seem to link the chapters together. and when no one review this fict except for one review from sesshoumaru's miko – thank you soo much by the way- I find it very discouraging and it makes me very reluctant to finish my fictions. When fanfiction writers write fanfictions, we write it to be read and reviewed, and when that doesn't happened it is very disheartening.

I'm sorry for the babble… and just for sesshoumaru's miko I will try to finish this fiction even if it kills me. I don't promise speedy update. But I will try. Thanks for the kimchi but I prefer bibimbap.


	14. Chapter 13

23:40

**A/N: finally the next chapter… sorry fro the long wait… for si kimiko-chan, personally reviewing doesn't count babe…for sesshoumaru's miko, thanks for the kimchi, but could you make it a bibimbap next time… and TeddyBiscuits thanks a lot for the review it meant a lot…I'll try to post it in winglin, but I think the site is currently under construction, about the other member bit, i'll try to include other members, but since i'm planning to write about all members (probably not changmin and yunho, since i'm still quite put out with them) with their very own songfict.. spoiler allert!!: xiah may or may not make a cameo, in not so distant chapters.**

"Thank you." She smiled and thanked with more graciousness than it is absolutely necessary to the slightly bewildered waiter, whom had interrupted what had to be the most deadening silence in history after she ran out of meaningless polite questions which he answered with short simple answers with no room for further discussion.

Jaejoong had to bit back a smirk threatening to escape his lips as Aii fidgeted with her hair. It's considerably shorter now, only fall slightly below her shoulder. She looked different somehow, still pretty in unassuming way and her smile still managed to take his breath away. But there's a wary look in her eyes that weren't there years ago and an overall hesitancy in her usually open demeanor. If she's nervous about meeting him after all these years she'll suitably justified after he is done with her.

" So what were you doing at the backstage?" he questioned, thinking that he had tortured her enough, " I thought you'll have you own line by now."

which is somewhat true, he was quite in shocked when he saw her as a stylist at some morning show he did out of boredom few days before.

"I guess life happened," she shrugged, acceptance in her eyes, "after I left New York four three years ago, I went back to Japan and worked my ass off, things just hadn't happened for me yet."

"What about you?" she asked, eager to shift the focus from her, a small smile glinting from her face, " I see you got everything you ever wanted."

Jaejoong couldn't suppress an ironic smile from his face. Its like having all sweet fillings in the world without any chocolate and having the chocolate asking you why you don't eat any chocolate.

Slipping back into his ultra suave persona that he wear like a second skin, "how could I have everything when I couldn't have you?" he asked, lowering his voice into a deep husky tone, the voice that no woman with beating heart can refuse, straight or otherwise.

She, of course, being the contrary person that she is, laughed. But not without a telltale blush on her cheeks.

"Well, that's not what I heard and judging from all those photos of you with that new Japanese actress, you certainly looked like you have everything." She teased back, her wariness disappeared a little.

If someone in the future asked him the reason why he did what he did next, he would not have any answer even if he had a 100 years to think it through. Maybe he was stupid or maybe the sake was getting into hid head or maybe even both. He knew that he was going to regret it before he even done it, but even that didn't stopped him from stating with slight bitterness in his voice that he couldn't even managed to hide, " She could've been you, you know."

A silence deader than the silence at the beginning of the evening if that was possible. However, he couldn't helped but looked into her eyes to see, if any, emotion when he said the irretrievable words even as his head pounded, thinking overtime how to fix the situation before all his plan unraveled before it even started. But she held her head to low for him to even see her eyes for any flicker of emotion.

Damn himself to wherever, when will he ever learn to not jeopardize a good long time plan over at-the-moment gratification. Now not only he couldn't read anything from her face, he just ruined a perfectly and immaculately devised plan. He cursed himself to high heaven for a good measure.

It was in situations like this where he found himself staring in the eye of either huge scandals or blunders, which he shamefully admit that he experienced many of those in his life where he once again had let his mouth run off on him, he will have to unleashed the only lesson worth learning from his very wise hyung (a fellow singer and actor) which was a megawatt smile with sheepish undertone could almost always save you from basically everything.

But before he could even give her his well practice smile, she cut him off with a long sigh.

" I know…" Jaejoong was stunned. For the first time in his life he was utterly without words. But that doesn't mean his brain wasn't reeling at full throttle at her admission. Immediately his mind was bombarded with million questions from those two simple words, thinking that maybe all this time that she actually felt the same but the situation just wasn't right and other millions possibilities from those two little words. He couldn't help but questioned whether or not he's doing the right thing by following through his plan. For the first time, since he first sold his first solo album, that he felt somewhat less cynical. Emotions of guilt and love suddenly flooded his heart threatening to drown him alive.

An apology and confession of love almost left his lips when flashes of paparazzi lights from the entrance as the door swung open blinded him temporarily. Here he was, about to spill his guts to a girl who irreparably broke his heart 6 years before and abandoned his quest for some sort of payback, when all she did was say to little words that could've meant anything. It took him the blinding photography lights from the blood sucking paparazzi for him to see..well… the light..

"sir, madam, are you ready to order now?" asked the waiter, interrupting his train of thought.

He took one good look at Aii, a decision was made as he turned to the waiting waiter, "no, I think we'll not be eating here today."

Confusion etched on her brows, as she looked at him questioningly, so he flashed her one of his practiced devil-may-care grin and hold her hand, and dragged her from their table to the back entrance of the trendy restaurant, through the kitchen.

"where are we going? She asked almost breathlessly as they reached his car.

Another grin graced his face as he answered enigmatically, "you'll see.."

**P.S: I finally got my momentum back with this fict, so tons of reviews may encourage me to write more, despite my lack of time due to tons and tons of reports to write every week that I barely able to go out of my house other than going to the uni…**


	15. secret agenda

_**A/N: after my butt have been sufficiently kicked by 'TeddyBearSnuffles' I decided to post this chapter which I had written few months back, even though in the beginning I actually wanted to post it once my block is over and find a suitable beta…. so this is for you 'TeddyBearSnuffles', hope you are appeased. Don't worry I already started the next chapter and will post as soon as I'm done with the final paragraphs. one more thing if any fan of this story that have better grammatical and vocabulary skill than me and is interested in becoming a beta - and have and advance copy of the next chapter are more than welcome to add me... thanks a bunch  
**_

"….and the whole time I was there, she kept saying thinly veiled innuendoes during each cuts, and by the end she actually pinched my butt, infront of the whole crew on air. My butt! She actually pinched my butt!" exclaimed Jaejoong incredulously, telling Aii the story of how the female host of the morning show where she worked as a stylist had sexually harassed him on the show, as they walked seemingly alone in the park in the middle of the night, "not, of course I completely blame her, I do have a rocking pinch-able arse." Wiggling his eyes for effect.

Aii all but rolled her eyes at his statement, and gave him a good thwack on the head.

"well, rocking pinch-able arse aside," She responded sarcastically, " I think you got off lucky, I heard that last time Gackt was there, she showed up in his dressing room buck naked, with nothing but whipped cream covering her private parts, lets just say, that was the last time Gackt made an appearance in 'Moshi-moshi nippon'."

"lucky me then.." he said ironically, and they both laughed at that, then

walking into he night in comfortable silence. It almost felt like old times.

"it's beautiful night tonight." She remarked, while rubbing her hand together and then blowing hot breath in attempt to warm it.

Silently, and without thinking the ramification of his action, he enclosed her hand with his, warming her cold fingertips with his heat.

A stunned look crossed her face, silence by a further warming kiss on her hand and a naughty wink. She smiled wistfully in response and they continue to walk hand in hand under the moonlight.

To anyone who doesn't know any better they look like a couple in love enjoying their date. ruefully he noted that the ease and comfortableness that always exis between them had not disappear from their lengthy separation. It was almost terrifyingly easy for him to forget himself and be drown in the same cycle that gotten him into the mess that happened years ago, in her presence.

_**A/N: after my butt have been sufficiently kicked by 'TeddyBearSnuffles' I decided to post this chapter which I had written few months back, even though in the beginning I actually wanted to post it once my block is over and find a suitable beta…. so this is for you 'TeddyBearSnuffles', hope you are appeased. Don't worry I already started the next chapter and will post as soon as I'm done with the final paragraphs.**_

It was only by the shock of all to familiar bulb flashings of camera jolted him back to reality of their situation. He was no naïve aspiring singer desperately in love with his bestfriend's girlfriend as she was no damsel in distress, stuck in a dead relationship that is permanently left in the past.

He glanced quickly at the source of light, hoping beyond hope that the paparazzi that he asked for was professional enough in the method of stalking to atleast hide himself in one of the many bushes in the park, even though he doesn't have enough sense to not use flash under the bright moon condition when trying to take pictures without being notice.

When he was statisfied that the idiot had managed to camoflouge himself successfully, he glanced at Aii nervously, hoping that she didn't notice the sudden burst light few moments ago.

To his ultimate relief, she was distracted by the surrounding, taking in the beauty of the moonlight.

For a second in felt that he was having a déjà vu moment, being transported to the time that the kiss that started his heartbreak.

Dispassionately, he took another calculating glance at her, as she innocently fiddling the flowers, thinking with quiet healthy amount of vengeance that she wont know what is coming to her. A slight twinge of guilt bit his conscience, which he quickly squashed with even stronger pain of heartbreak, which hardened his heart.

The first step was already taken. There is no turning back.


	16. Chapter 16

16:02

_**A/N: HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER, WITH AN APPEARANCE FROM JUNSU AND A LITTLE TEASER FOR JUNSU'S FICTION I'M PLANNING TO WRITE IF I'M EVER GONNA FINISH THIS STORY. PERSERVERANCE IS KEY! AND AGAIN IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE WHO LIKE TO BE MY BETA FOR THIS STORY PLEASE REVIEW ME OR INBOX MEAT THIS SITE, I RATHER HAVE A READER TO BETA THIS STORY THAN SOME RANDOM PERSON.**_

Mr. Kim will see you in a moment." Informed the secretary politely.

Acknowledging the secretary with a short nod, Jaejoong relaxed and sunk further into the comfortable couch. Taking in the office space of high dark mahagony furniture's and sterile surrounding, the office of Kim Junsu or better known to his fans as Xiah in Japan, do not promote the feeling of comfort and safety to its visitors. Jaejoong could feel slow nerves settling on the pit of his stomach. He feels like a naughty debuting idol who had been called to the manager office after participating in un-idol like behaviors whenever he has a meeting with Xiah in his office. And as the head of the Public relation of TVXQ Entertainment or better known to the idols under the company as 'The dark overlord of discipline', he reveled in instilling fear and discomfort to those who took a step into his domain.

And as a man with a guilty conscience, this is the last place he wanted to be. He had not plan to spend his afternoon in the company of Junsu. Don't get him wrong, in a normal casual and friend way he usually doesn't mind spending time with Junsu. But the ominous call yesterday to meet him today and the fact that the man has connections everywhere and knew all the ongoings of everything made him feel a bit weak in the stomach. And it doesn't help that Hiroki keeps calling him incessantly in full panic mode. For a so called experienced paparazzi, the man clearly do not embodied .the word subterfuge. Sending an amature to the park last time, was really a stupid move. Maybe even as stupid as the very newbie move the newbie made, using flashes when you are trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"….MR. KIM!" repeated the secretary a bit strongly before she was able to gain his attention, "the other Mr. Kim will see you now."

straightening up immediately, and just like a consummate rake flashed the normally poised and professional secretary a knee-jellying grin reducing her to giggling fits.

Walking with confidence he faked, he focused back to the more pressing matter named Xiah junsu. Neutralizing his expression to reveal absolutely nothing and then plastering a semi-bored countenance that had repeatedly graced his features during their many group meetings over the years.

As Jaejoong approached Junsu's office, he was greeted by the familiar voice of Junsu playing hard balls with someone.

"….i've told you explicitly three months ago that I want at least one page feature of the boys on the 'Music Journal' magazine for next month in time for their official debut," scolded Junsu to the poor guy on the other side of the phone, before he noticed Jaejoong standing in front of his door, he immediately signaled Jaejoong to come in while continue terrorizing the guy on the phone, "….well I don't care how you do it, it still has to next month feature no matter what!"

when Junsu finally done browbeating ten years out of the forever scarred employee, Jaejoong asked with a slight quirk playing on his lips, humor evident on his voice, " it sounds like you're having some trouble with the ' Music Journal', I know one of the editors there if you need any help."

"Nah, I already secure a cover story and a double feature in two different magazine for them," sensing the questioning look on Jaejoong's face, Junsu continued, " I'm just training the new PRs, have to keep them sharp or they'll just laze around doing nothing."

Silence followed.

It was driving him nuts, if there is one thing he truly hated is empty silence with someone trying to drill a hole onto his forehead with all the intense staring.

" if you didn't need my help with the new band debut, why you called me here?" he asked through gritted teeth, at last unable to stand the deafening silence.

"I was actually wondering if _you_ have something to tell me." responded Junsu a bit enigmatically.

Jaejoong sighed. It had been years since their debut but sometimes the roles that had been assigned to them by their record company are so ingrained in their nature, sometimes it slips out even after years they abandoned the concept. And Junsu is no different, despite having a very bipolar nature of being very adorkable and affable person and being the 'dark overlord of discipline', sometimes the façade of international playboy slips through the crack and hence speaking about things in enigmatic sort of way.

"nope, nothing, I have absolutely nothing to tell you." Jaejoong answered a little bit too innocently.

Junsu narrowed his eyes in obvious suspicions, maintaining eye contact with Jaejoong, in hope to break him that way. Jaejoong could barely contain himself from snorting at Junsu's amateur attempt to make him tell. You don't live with seven older sisters without learning a thing or two on the ways to win a stare-off contest.

Ten minutes past before Junsu finally gave up with loud sigh.

"look I may not have as much drinking buddies in this industry as you do, but I do have many very useful contacts, and recently it had come to my attention a certain rumor rumbling in the paparazzi world about you and a sort of cooperation with one of them," Junsu said seriously, looking directly at Jaejoong the whole while, "I don't know the exact details but I know enough to tell you that whatever you are planning to do is a bad idea, trust me on this I'm speaking from personal experience."

Jaejoong winced at Junsu's gentle reminder of the scandal that happened just a year after their official debut, which almost break up the band for good. It was a bad year for all of them, it was their first experience with storm of bad press, and you can only imagine what Junsu had gone through as the centre of it all.

fear stabbed through him for a moment, but he quickly shook it off, "I wont let it go that far…." He said with only slight confidence, he was clearly was not as cocky as he was moments ago about his plan before he entered Junsu's office.

"Hmm…" giving Jaejoong undechiperable look, he let a long world weary sigh and said, "just be careful will you, in this industry a few pictures and few words can mean the beginning and end of everything and vicious rumors takes much longer to disappear than you would've like it to be, so if it came to that don't come running to me asking for my help because I already done my duty by warning you."

"fine, fine," said Jaejoong with his hands in the air in surrender, " I promised I wont run to you if it blows up all over my face, okay 'possible scandal' talk aside, why did you call me hear today?"

and just like that Junsu snapped back into business mode, "well actually one of the reason I called you hear is that I got a confirmation fro the station that your new Japanese drama with the newbie is a go, so as always the newbie's agency called wondering if you'll agree to a pretend relationship with the newbie to boost the ratings and of course give her a free publicity, I told them that it wont be necessary but they asked me to ask you anyway, so what's your answer?"

giving the question no further thought, Jaejoong answered, " sure, why not, I'm in between girls right now so there wont be any scandal over it, tell them to contact my people directly to arrange date meetings outside filming."

" are you sure, you don't need to do this to hyped up the drama you know, it's your first Japanese drama in three years, fans are going to watch, you're just doing the newbie a favor by giving her free publicity from the rumor."

"well you know how I like to give back," quipped Jaejoong, "but in all seriousness, its not a big deal, we will just go to few prearranged dinners and the paparazzi will take care of the rest, and after the drama finished airing we can give a joint statement for an amicable breakup."

"well if you think that is what you want to do, who am I to stopped you." Answered Junsu.

After another half an hour of talk shop, Jaejoong was finally out of Junsu's lair. All the serious talk with Junsu was finally draining him physically and emotionally, glad that he already cleared he schedule for the rest of today and tomorrow so he could rest up. As he turned on his phone to call his personal assistant to reconfirm his schedule for today and tomorrow, Hiroki the hired paparazzi called.

"mr. Jaejoong, I'm glad I caught you…" nervousness clear in his quivering voice.

"yes Hiroki for the hundredth time what is so important that you abandoned all subterfuge and call me." asked Jaejoong sarcastically, losing his patience with the incompetent paparazzi.

Unfortunately the sarcasm was lost on the very panicked Hiroki, "it seems that the photographer I hired for you last night was apparently approached by mr. Junsu's men, the pictures were with me so they are safe, but he told them everything he knows about the plan, so what should we do? _Or should we just stopped while we are ahead?"_ questioned Hiroki, clearly hopping for the latter.

" yeah, I know, why do you think I'm currently standing infront of Junsu's office right now?" said Jaejoong, losing his patience "he knows enough to alarmed and warned, but there's nothing he could further, so just do what I say and for the love of god PLEASE STOP CALLING ME!"


	17. Chapter 17

15:51

_**A/N: I'm apologize for the shortness of this chapter. But I couldn't do it any other way. It is suppose to be a filler and an update on the couple relationship. But since I suck at writting romance since I have no romantic bone in my body and Overly sweet romantic things make me gag, hence the short chapter. But I hope you enjoy. And a special thanks to teddybearsnuffles for reviewing. I'm both touched and sad because I have finally got a frequent reviewer and sad because like I said I only have one reviewer.. nevertheless your words made me want to write more. Usually it took me 3 weeks at the very least to write 1 whole chapter regardless the length, but because of you, easy peasy 3 to 5 days. Thanks again for being a muse.**_

"I think we've been through this before." Said Aii with pretty little smiles playing on her lips.

Jaejoong groaned inwardly, he is here for revenge and food, _not _to look at anyone's pretty little smiles.

"as I said before and I still stand by it, _that _my dear," Jaejoong pointed superiorly at the small cutlets of pink meat displayed on the aisle, "is a _chicken."_

"a chicken that it maybe, but we are here not for chicken but for sushi," replied Aii, steering back their focus back to their original plan for going to the super mart in the first place.

"lead the way, ye old Sushi sensei, I'm in your feeble yet capable hands." He said in mock submission.

"mock me all you want, but you will be a puddle of gastronomical bliss after you taste my the rice rolls of heaven that is my sushi." She told him rather smugly.

" six years ago she could barely handle a pan without burning the entire kitchen, and here she is now a self-proclaimed not yet proven Sushi master." Jested Jaejoong.

"hey, don't rain down on my parade, when we used to hang out you always cooked for me so I'm just returning the favor, so be a good boy and be grateful that I don't decide to put so much laxative in your food that you'll be pooping air." Retorted Aii back, clearly enjoying their lively banter.

And to be absolutely honest to himself he was enjoying himself as well. _Too much_. Going out as friends with Aii made him remember all of the little things that made him fall for her in first place despite the obvious no-no sign painted all over her.

It was always easy with her. _Light. _Conversations flow freely. Silence comfortable and cozy instead of heavy and awkward. Time move so slow and end to fast. It was funny, when he first realized he was falling for his best friend's girlfriend eons ago, he always thought that if he ever truly fall in love with someone it will be passionate and fiery of impetuous emotions. So it took him awhile to realize that the heavy feeling in his stomach and the way his heart accelerated and then skipped a beat moments before he saw her. He felt high and light whenever he was with her, everything bright and clear. It was surprisingly _calm. Like now._

it was times like this he sometimes questioned himself and his more than slightly dishonorable plan. The last four weeks with Aii have been the happiest time of his life. Happier than he was years before with their pretend dates. It is somehow freer now than then, with no guilt with the face of Seungjin hanging over his head every time he has the urge to kiss her, which happens to be all the time. And now with nothing to stop him, he was going to throw it all away because of what she did a long time ago that should be forgiven and forgotten.

Jaejoong could feel doubt starting to creep into his conscience. So she was a heartless bitch who played with his heart and left him the moment that the richer and more successful Seungjin was suddenly available again. _Now he remembered why._

Turning toward Aii, whom was busy selecting appropriate ingredients for their sushi, he felt his heart hardened as he let the anger of the old wound wash all over him.

"are we done?" he asked, he couldn't help as the coldness seeping through his tone.

"almost." She answered a little confused at his sudden forbidding attitude.

Reigning in his anger, trying to salvage the situation as best as he could, he gave her his biggest and brightest smile that won him the most adorable man you want to hug two years in row in Japan, "just making sure we have enough time to catch the late movie later."

"we have five hours till the movie, I know I'm not an expert cook but even I can produce something edible within a long time frame," she retorted with a quizzical smile, before turning to him with a worried look on her face" are okay? Have I done something wrong?"

it took all his strength not to just rip it to her there and then at her innocently posed question. Like she didn't know. Turning his back to her, pretending to examine the racks of herbs on the aisle. He took a deep breath, suppressing his anger down but keeping it just simmering below the surface. He needs the anger to remind himself the reason he was doing this in the first place. To not be distracted by pretty smiles or supposed innocent look. To think that she just gave him a few of those smiles and looks, like an idiot he was ready to abandoned all reason to live happily ever after with a someone who broke his heart.

He took a few deep breaths, before returning his attention back to Aii. Plastering a bigger plastic grin than before, he turn on the mega watt charm and lowering his voice a few octave, "I just can't wait that's all." He took her hand a plant a soft kiss worthy of Disney princess moment.

predictably, she blushed at his sudden gallantry. Putting her hands on his arms as they walk towards the cash registry, with him contemplating his next move. He look down at her, and saw her blush deepened, looking everywhere but at him. The plan is coming together swimmingly. The harder she fall, the harder it will be when she breaks. As long as he remembers that he hates her not love her.


	18. Chapter 18

16:11

_**A/N: I' EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE THAT THIS STORY WILL BE COMING TO AN END. FEW MORE CHAPTERS AND FINALLY I'LL BE DONE. AND YEAH, YOU GUYS PROBABLY NOTICED THIS ALREADY, THE STORY IS HAVE VEERED OF THE LYRICS FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING A COHERENT STORYLINE AND AN END. A SPECIAL LOVE THANKS TO MY TWO LAST REVIEWER 'GINGER TOPAZ' AND 'TEDDYBEARSNUFFLES'. I SERIOUSLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT THE ENCOURAGEMENT. SO ENCOURAGE AWAY…**_

Hangover is not a fun thing to do on a Monday morning. Eyes bleary and pounding head is not fun on any morning of any day. He was having a pretty good night last night, if he says so him self, evidence clearly shown in his less than optimum condition this morning.

"aren't you looking well this morning."greeted a familiar voice, a few decibel higher than necessary sending shocks of pounding pain straight through his head.

"man, could you say it not scream it, can't you see I'm dying here."groaned Jaejoong as he pushed back his huge sunglasses further up his nose. Through the sunglass, his eyes raked over the tall figure clad in a suit with a lopsided grin on his face standing in front of Jaejoong. Only Seungjin would dare to practically scream at him when it was obvious he was still feeling the bad effects of last night alcohols. . Usually he would spent the day in bed with special shot of hot chili pepper shot and endless supply of espresso, but he managed to drag himself out after getting a call from Seungjin last night to meet this morning after a year lapse of not seeing each other.

His relationship with Seungjin remained relatively unharmed after the debacle with Aii six years ago. At first it was hard for Jaejoong to even look at Seungjin in the eyes without jealousy rearing its ugly head. But just as soon as the jealousy popped up, it is immediately tampered by sense of guilt. If there is an innocent party in the whole situation it would be Seungjin. He wasn't the one with a cheating girlfriend and a backstabbing friend so he couldn't complain much. He guessed that true friendship could survive anything, even clandestine betrayal and he was glad. So that is why he had promise to himself to never let Seungjin know anything about his little affair with Aii. He already lost his heart in a bad way, he doesn't need to lose Seungjin on top of it all.

"I must say looking at you, a hangover on Monday morning is not an attractive look for men above 24," goaded Seungjin with a hearty laugh, before giving Jaejoong a huge hug hello, "it's nice to see you again man, it's been too long."

Feeling slightly uncharacteristically mushy, Jaejoong return the hug with a light squeeze. As he quickly regained his composure, he dryly commented, "I see that being hopelessly in love with your bride-to-be have made more in touch with your emotions, long gone the man who used to grunt as a substitute to 'I miss you'."

Giving Jaejoong another one of his hearty laugh, Seungjin responded, "well, you should try it sometimes, being in love or at the very least happy."

The light comment from Seungjin wouldn't have made any impact if it was true, but as it so happens he could felt a tiny sting at Seungjin frank words. He swiftly regained his composure and hidden his hurt with a bland smile.

"speaking of which, how is the future Mrs. Seungjin, is she here with you?" questioned Jaejoong, trying to divert the conversation track to a more neutral position.

A bit surprised but not even a little bit disappointed at the immediate change of subject, "she's here with me, and as much as I want to say it is because I couldn't live without her, as my executive assistant I really couldn't live without her." Happiness shone from his eyes with jolliness on preserved for people in love.

Jaejoong forced another genial smile. It's not like he hates Seungjin's fiancée or he is in anyway resentful of Seungjin' s happiness. In fact, he is happy for them and he knows that after all the bad things that had befallen on Seungjin – the airplane crash that had killed his entire family and thus thrusting him the responsibility to maintain the good name of his family legacy and thus abandoning all his hopes to be a writer- he deserved all the happiness he could get. But what bugs him is that despite being cheated on by Seungjin with his assistant, not long after she choose Seungjin over him, Aii still chose him. No matter how hard he begs or how many drunken profession of love calls he made. Even when he was the most sensible choice, she still preferred Seungjin over him. It took another intervention by their old manager and combined effort of the rest of the group to make him snapped out of it for good.

"…so is it true?" asked Seungjin rather suddenly in Jaejoong's opinion without any introduction and provocation.

"is what true?" asked Jaejoong back, confusion etched on his face.

Seungjin just sighed in response to Jaejoong's typical emptyheade-ness , with a deep understanding only reserved for old friends.

"as I have been saying for the last fifteen minutes, is that Hiroki from 'Star Pass Rag' have informed me that you hired him to take pictures of you going on a date with the wardrobe lady from 'Moshi-moshi nippon', is it true?"

_Damn…_ is there anyone in japan Hiroki haven't told yet about the pictures ye_t? _for all the things holy and sacred the man could not keep his flapper shut even if his life depended on it. At this rate the scandal will broke itself without any instigation from him.

"I'm not going to even try to deny it , you already know the truth," admitted Jaejoong truthfully, seeing no reason to lie to Seungjin, a weird look pass through his face however Jaejoong just ignored it and continued, "how did you know? Did you send your men to threaten Hiroki or something?"

" I don't have to, Hiroki work for me, I owned a considerable share of the magazine parent company,"replied Seungjin, still making that weird concentrated look, like he was trying to figure out Jaejoong's behavior, "I was the one who gave you his number few years back _remember?"_

_oh yeah…_ Jaejoong faintly remembered Hiroki babbling about Seungjin firing him when he first hired him. Now it finally made sense when Hiroki kept saying Seungjin's name whenever Hiroki is in his panic as a headless chicken mode. He must have tuned it out with all the revenge plotting. Such an important detail missed because of his short attention span. Seriously he needs to cease with his inner monologue and actually start paying attention when people are talking.

"no wonder your name have been coming up a lot lately." Said jaejoong rather sheepishly.

"hmmm…."was all Seungjin said still with that unexplicable facial expression.

"what?" demanded Jaejoong, feeling slightly annoyed by the scrutinizing look Seungjin kept giving him when he admitted his involvement with Hiroki.

"look, I don't know what you are planning with Hiroki and frankly speaking, knowing you I don't particularly want to know," Seungjin begin with diplomacy, " but whatever it is I can guarantee you it's not a good idea."

Jaejoong swore then and there that Seungjin might be in some sort of conspiracy against him with Junsu.

"Aii despite what you might think had happened, is not a bad person,"continued Seungjin rather uncomfortably, "in fact, even if I have the whole world at my disposal, I would never be able to repay her for what I had done and asked of her."

Jaejoong understood that Seungjin must've still feel guilty about the last few months of his relationship with Aii, how quickly it disintegrated when it was discovered that Seungjin was in love and having a romantic liaison with his assistant and now fiancée. but he didn't realized that Seungjin cared this much.

"I just want you to try to put yourself in her shoe, try to see things in her point of view, the decisions she made in the past may not be the best but she did it for the sake of you and me." Insisted Seungjin.

_Wait… _Jaejoong's mind whirled at Seungjin surprising words. Why is he so insistent on defending Aii? He doesn't know the full story, why should he really care what he does to his ex-girlfriend. Unless, he still harbored a feeling towards Aii. However Jaejoong shook his head at that impossibility. Seungjin is head-over-armani shoes in love with his fiancée, whom he left Aii for in the first place. So that couldn't be it. And what does he mean by what Aii does is for the sake of himself and Seungjin?

"I don't understand." Responded Jaejoong confusedly.

Seungjin took another deep heavy breath as if trying to hold off whatever he will be saying next as long as possible, "this is very hard for me to say, I know you think that I'm the innocent party in the whole debacle that happened six years ago but I'm not."

"damn, when I came here this morning I haven't been expecting to tell you this but I guess I've been keeping this a secret for far too long, my only hope is that after you hear the whole story you will try to understand why I did what I did," continued Seungjin, Jaejoong waited on bated breath.

"I've been pretending not to know this whole time, but I know _everything." _He said, shooting Jaejoong a meaningful glance.

Hot blood surged through his head in apprehension and fear warming his face, " I don't understand."

" I mean I know everything, six years ago I knew about you and…."before Seungjin could even finish the sentence, just like a situation Jaejoong thought only happened in manhwa or manga, a man in a tuxedo suit with impeccable timing interrupted.

"sir, I'm glad I found you," said the unknown tuxedo man who radiated a composed professional persona but betrayed by a slight panic look in his eyes, "there's an emergency at the home office, you needed right away, Yunji already prepared the jet."

Seungjin looked torn between staying and finish what he has to say to Jaejoong or leave and take care of the emergency.

"how bad is it?"

"it's code red sir."

At the answer, Jaejoong could see the anxious-ness level of Seungjin shot to the roof.

"I need to leave right now, I promise you I'll tell you everything later," Seungjin said distractedly as he packed his stuff, before turning to Jaejoong seriously, " but I need you to promise me that you will not go on with your plan until you hear the whole story."

Jaejoong only managed to nod his acquiesce, Seungjin already flown out of the door, leaving him whirling with the new incomplete information.

Jaejoong was almost sure that Seungjin was about to say that he knew about him and Aii, which change everything. If Seungjin knew whole along, it was possible that Aii knew that he knew and that will meant a different ball game all together. Doubt started to creep up to him, and this time it has a firm chokehold on him and it is not releasing its hold conscience.

So when Hiroki call again the night after to move forward with the plan for the pictures, Jaejoong gave him a good resounding 'NO'.


	19. Chapter 19

15:43

"Good morning sir, I hope you have a nice day." Greeted the hotel staff with a smile.

"Thank you." Responded Jaejoong with such jubilancy that it should be a crime to be so damn cheery in such an early morning unless it is assisted by a very strong shot of vodka.

Breathing in the fresh air as he walked along the garden path leading towards the private outside eating area beside the swimming pool exclusive for frequent and important clientele.

Sitting in his usual spot beside the red rose plant, he ordered his usual eggs and toast with espresso sweeten with caramel.

Aahh… life is great. Everything looked bright and smelled wonderful. Everyday seems like something out of an idyllic family 50's show. Birds chirping, sky so much bluer and sun so much shinier. Life couldn't be much better than this.

He just finished shooting and promoting his first Japanese drama in three years a week ago. The initial response to the romantic drama was great and the rating was through the roof with help by the much hyped up pseudo relationship with his budding co-actress generated by few shots of them eating out together, which will end if his manager could pin down her agent.

And his personal life was taking a lift off too. He had done a lot of thinking after his talk with Seungjin before his head hurts and he still didn't understand anything. Not that Seungjin was any help. The man was incommunicado for the last few months. Something about almost fail takeover of another company.

He gets that Aii knew that Seungjin knew about them. However he just didn't understand why Aii didn't just tell him the truth. Given enough time, Jaejoong believe that they could just hash it out and everything would be all right. He didn't understand how she could just willing-nily left him for Seungjin just because he found out. Not when she told him that she felt the same way.

He could feel the incoming headache from thinking too much starting to buzz around his temple. So he did what he had to do. Push back all that damning questions at the back of his mind and start to think happy thoughts, like he did for the past few months. He decided that he had been unhappy long enough. So he didn't still doesn't understand her reasoning for leaving him and then not coming back to him. But she made him happy and she made his heart skipped a beat and speed up. She made him feel warm inside and content. And that is enough. For now.

And for now he is focusing on the blue sky and chirping birds.

"Here's your breakfast and coffee sir." Jaejoong mouth watered as the waft of coffee and well-buttered toast from the breakfast placed by the waiter reached is nose.

Enjoying his breakfast with deliberate ease, as he basked in the general splendor of the surrounding. Only to be interrupted by a call from his assistant when he ignored it, he was interrupted again by his manager few seconds later.

Annoyed, he turned off his phone. He is on a vacation for goodness sake. Couldn't they just leave him alone for one day? Sometimes he thinks that they purposely call him during his few and far in between breaks just to rile him up and make him work in surrender.

Feeling a little too vex to enjoy the surrounding anymore, he picked up the newspaper. Speed reading through the general news and skipping the human interests stories, he was stopped dead cold at the front page of the celebrity gossip section.

There it was in stark black and white the picture of him and Aii, the one with him holding her hands and leaning to kiss her in the park. There were couple more pictures of them hugging and holding hands, and just beside the picture of him tucking her hair behind her ears, an inset of Megumi Matsumoto crying- his co-actress in his recent Japanese drama- taken right out of the scene from the romantic drama.

He doesn't even have to read the headlines much less the whole article to know the whole story. They say that a picture worth a thousand words. And unfortunately for him, these particular pictures worth a whole damn novel.

He frantically made his way back to his room as he turned on his phone. No wonder both his manager and assistant were calling like the world was going to end. At the looks of it _his world was going to end._

Before he could even touch the numbers on his phone, his manager, Minho, beat him to the punch. Jaejoong answered his phone immediately, "hey, sorry, I turned off my phone the whole morning."

"I'm guessing you've seen the pictures if you actually answered your phone." Responded his manager wryly, before taking a huge deep breath and continued, " it has been war zone here in the office, the phone is ringing off the hook."

"How bad is it?" asked Jaejoong, hoping that the pictures were only published on that one paper only.

"Almost all newspapers and magazine carrying a celebrity section, and that doesn't even include the gossip websites."

Jaejoong groaned. So much for keeping it all low key.

"Do a damage control as much as possible, tell the press that we will be holding a press conference as soon as next week impertinent to the story at hand and don't forget to contact Megumi's people, we need their cooperation to make this story disappear as smoothly as possible."

"Roger that," answered Minho easily, "do you want me to send you a security team to the hotel, I promise you there's going to be a bloodbath outside the minute you stepped out of the hotel."

"I know I'll be fine," after a pause, Jaejoong asked his friend, "hey, this may sound weird, why didn't you asked me about _her?"_

"Hmm… man I've known you for six years and work with you for the last three, as your manager I knew better than ask you about your romantic liaisons, but as you're friend I know that when you're starting to question me about me not questioning you, she must be very important," said Minho, "do you want to unload?"

The heavy feeling in his stomach that weighed him down the moment he saw the pictures was rushing to his mouth at the sign of a willing listener. However, he knew that this wasn't the moment or the time for a heartfelt confession. He has something more important to do.

"Yes, but not now," Jaejoong answered, "rain check?"

"Sure," agreed Minho, " but whoever she is you better warn her because according to the amount of phone calls I received and still receive from the press today, she is in for a huge mob of paparazzi swarming her."

After straightening few other details with Minho, they both said their goodbyes. His mind still reeling from the shock, Jaejoong took a few second to compose him self before he dialed the number of the person he knew responsible for this farce of spectacle.

"Hiroki, what the hell do you think you're doing, we had a deal." Confronted Jaejoong angrily.

"Sir, you have no idea how sorry I am, I promise you I'm not the one who had distribute the pictures, hell we didn't even release the story on our magazine, I wouldn't allow it without your consent." Reassured Hiroki nervously.

Jaejoong thought what Hiroki has said carefully. Despite the lack of evidence right now, Jaejoong was inclined to believe Hiroki. He wouldn't have dared to say that the pictures weren't release in his own if it wasn't true, as Jaejoong could've easily verified his statement later. Beside he was scared shitless of Jaejoong. He wouldn't dare to do that without …well, for the lack of better and more appropriate word, shitting himself before he would dare to defy him.

"Fine, if it is not you then who did it?" edged Jaejoong, "you were the only one with the access to the pictures."

"Well, I don't know for sure until I look into it further, but I'm almost sure that it's the intern photographer we hired, the one that took the pictures, he must have made a copy of the pictures before sending the original to me."

"Send me his name, I know a guy who can confirm it." Said Jaejoong without preamble and end the conversation.

Jaejoong took a look at his watch. It was already 9.45. It was a sure bet that the paparazzi were already swarming the entrance of the hotel. As a five star accommodation, the hotel is pretty secure but he couldn't stay here any longer. It was common knowledge by anyone who followed him that every single time he was in Japan. And with the scope of the scandal, the entrance of the hotel will be so saturated with paparazzi, he will be stuck here for weeks with no way out, if he stayed here any longer.

He went straight to his room and immediately packed his bags only to be interrupted by the ring of a text from his phone. It was from Aii.

'Hi, I know this is bad time, but I need to see you. Please.'

A lump of something stuck on his throat as he ignore the message completely and proceed to delete it. If only you could do the same thing to guilt. Ignore and delete. If only life was that simple.

He took another deep breath and pushed the feeling down. He just didn't have time for her. He needs to do damage control and after everything settled, he will see her then. Beside if he sees her now and the press found out, it would be like fueling more oil to the fire. It is best he stay away from her for a while he reasoned to ease his burning conscience.

When he finished packing up his stuff, he went straight to the concierge to check him self out of the hotel and waited for his car to be delivered. Checking him self to make sure that his face was devoid of any emotions- he doesn't need to give the paparazzi any more ammo against him- he slowly drove to the main entrance of the hotel just down the path along the huge garden/golfing area. As he was fast approaching the entryway, he could hear a loud accumulative buzz and freakish artificial brightness, brighter than the shinning sun.

When he actually reached the entrance, it was then he was able to see by him self the ramifications of his action. He was barely able to drive his car, only moving an inch at a time trying to part the sea of paparazzi swarming him.

And all he could think about is… _what in the world had he done?_


	20. Chapter 20

14:11

_**A.N: SORRY FOR THE LATENESS OF THIS UPDATE, I'M HAVING SOME PROBLEM WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER AND THE FLOW OF THE STORY… SO EXPECT ANOTHER LATE UPDATE. ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, WANNA THANK TEDDY FOR THE KIND SUPPORT AND REVIEW. THE ONLY REASON I'M TRYING SO HARD TO FINISH THIS STORY.**_

he is without a doubt a stupid _stupid_ man. It may seem redundant to say _stupid _twice, but he was that stupid and he more than deserve the second 'stupid'. And as one of the damning evidence of his stupidity, he is current banging his head onto Junsu's new dark mahagony table while repeatedly saying 'stupid-stupid' for each slam, as Junsu busily trying to reach Megumi's agent.

When the story broke a week ago, Jaejoong thought that it couldn't get any worse. With hail of paparazzi constantly nipping at his heel and bad presses everywhere, it was a justifiable thought. But what came after exploded what already a bad situation into a living nightmare.

At first Jaejoong thought nothing of it when they were unable to contact anyone from Megumi's side, for the press conference he promise to hold for the media. People from public relation already churned up a good story for them, to simmer down the scandal for at least a few notches, with the cooperation of Megumi to say that they were only friends who have gone out for dinner few times after the shootings and the pictures of him with the other girl were taken way before Jaejoong met with Megumi. so they kept trying and trying, hoping to be answered.

At least that was the plan until few days after, an exclusive interview of Megumi Matsumoto with a very well known women's magazine and this time with a new picture of her crying-_ not _taken from any of the scene from their drama. Jaejoong couldn't help but wryly think that the casting director had made a very smart decision in choosing this newcomer for such an anticipitated project. She was proving to be a very convincing actress.

And that was only the beginning, it start to go down hill from there. With him dodging every interview requests and saying so much 'no comment' that it had become his catchphrase and her, doing so many interviews and crying or at the very least having tears rimmed eyes in public where paparazzi could catch her, playing the jilted lover to the teeth. And it goes without saying that her marketability and popularity has gone through the roof at his expense.

And here he was, currently trying to bang some brain cell into his head, which is in hindsight is not that smart of an idea to begin with.

he was desperate. Days pass and he was still unable to contact Mr. Saito, Megumi's agent or anyone affiliated to her for that matter. So finally he broke down and called out the big gun, namely Junsu.

"Mr. Kim , we've got Mr. Saito on the line, should I put him through?" popped Junsu's ever efficient secretary at his office door.

"yes, thank you but make him wait a little while, I want him to squirm for a bit" answered Junsu, and then quickly turning to Jaejoong as she disappeared, "you can stop the head banging now, we've got contact."

A sense of slight relief washed over him. He should've seek Junsu for his help earlier and save him self all the trouble. He knew that if there is anyone in the entertainment industry whose phone call you have to answer, it is Junsu's. He was not known as the Dark overlord for naught.

Junsu then deliberately waited for few minutes before speaking through the speakerphone addressing his secretary, " you can put him through now."

And then he presses the speaker button and calculatedly stayed silent, trying to force the other caller to break the silence first in some kind of weird power play that Jaejoong will never understand even if someone explained it to him a million times.

Minutes flew by, but still no one wanted to concede. They were both holding very tightly to their chicken. It was so still and tense in the room, Jaejoong swore that you could hear a pin dropped if anyone stupidly owned and dropped a pin.

Feeling very uncomfortable and slightly suffocated by the deafening silence to Junsu very determine attitude, Jaejoong felt an overwhelming need to say something – anything.

Just as his final straw of composure breaking, a guttural sound of someone clearing his throat from the speaker interrupted him, a glint of victory from Junsu's eyes. Mr. Saito had fought and lost spectacularly at the first round.

" Mr. Junsu, first I must say what an honor it is to be speaking to such a legendary agent, to what may I ask the pleasure of your call today?" asked Mr. Saito nervously, Jaejoong could barely held a cringe at such blatant attempt of brown-nosing.

"okay since you asked _soo very nicely_, I'll tell you," cut Junsu very sharply, "it may have escape your notice, however despite the fact that it seems that Kim Jaejoong working separately from the TVXQ'S Entertainment but he is an integral part of the company, as an artist, founder and part owner of the company, and by brazenly making an enemy of him, you have made an enemy of the whole company."

Even through the phone, Jaejoong could see 's fear at Junsu's less than friendly greetings.

"I don't understand Mr. Junsu, what have I done to make an enemy out of Mr. Jaejoong, I wouldn't consciously dared to do something as bold as that." stuttered out .

"Do I look stupidly gullible to you Mr. Saito?" asked Junsu back with a tone so cold it could freeze water, "you have purposely let Miss Megumi do all those interviews and spreading those lies to boost her own image in full knowledge that it would hurt my friend's reputation and after he had gracefully agreed to help your client's career,"

Jaejoong was utterly stunned. By the way Junsu's going on and on about him, he made him seem like a male version of Mother Theresa. Sure he was nice enough occasionally and especially nice with the right amount of booze in him, but he wasn't _that _nice. He didn't know that Junsu actually like him that much.

Junsu went on, "and then purposely ignoring the calls from his office, after all that you still want me believe that it was- according to your words- unconsciously done?" anger heating up his words, before turning an absolute 360 degrees turn into chilling manner, " I do not want to hear any of your manifold excuses for your client and your behaviors last week, so what you will do now to return back into my good graces or at the very least stifle my wrath are you should stop your client from making any more interviews and making any more teary eyes to the paparazzis and to be right and ready at the press conference next week, Jaejoong's PR will give out new details, do not worry, we will try to spin a story that will have as minimal effect to your client's career as possible, even though it will be very difficult given the media circus she has risen, agreed?"

"agreed," came the stiff reply, "but Megumi will never readily agree to this, she has too much on the line."

"well, you better get her to agree by next week because if not a bratty diva of an actress will be the least of your problem." threaten Junsu sweetly.

After murmuring quick agreement and goodbyes, Mr. Saito couldn't get off the phone fast enough.

Junsu returned his attention back to an amaze and in awed Jaejoong, whom was clearly impressed by Junsu tough as nail but get things done character. far cry from the bubbly soccer fan-maness he was ages ago. A devastatedly broken heart could do that to you.

However he couldn't helped but feel relieved by the sudden turn in events. His PR will have a hard time spinning a story with the mess that Megumi left even that couldn't tampered with the high he is feeling right now- except for the rather smug 'I told you so' look plastered on Junsu's face.

"just say it, I know you want to," groaned Jaejoong, in full acceptance of his faults and mistakes at least in regards of the pictures, " I should've listened to you when you say it was a bad idea, so just say ' I told you so' I fully deserve it."

" well, I wouldn't say that you fully deserve it, things just got a bit out of control when it happens to have an uncontrollable entity in the mix, mainly the media and Miss Megumi" answered Junsu seriously, before his face crinkling with humour, " but I did tell you that it is a bad idea, it is always a bad idea trying to fool the media, it always bite you back in the ass."

"I can almost hear the 'I told you so' in those long winded words."

Junsu grinned, " I will refrained from saying those four little words no matter how much I think you deserve them, if you can answer this one question."

Jaejoong resigned his acquiescence. It was always better idea to humor Junsu, no matter how ill(-humored) it is.

"have you at least called Aii yet, ever since this whole shit been going down?"

"No." shame reddened his milky white face slightly.

Another sigh escape Junsu's lips. It made Jaejoong feel like a naughty schoolboy infront of a disappointed teacher.

"it's not that I don't want to, it's just that with everything going on, I don't think it is safe to see her again or find the courage to call her." Admitted Jaejoong painfully.

"you better do it soon cause it is much better for her to hear that you were the one who masterminded the picture if not the release, cause I already hear rumblings in the press about it, though now I know the prepertrator and he wont say anything anymore anytime soon, but these kind of rumblings have a life of its own, especially coming from such a lively fire of scandal." Told Junsu bluntly.

Deep in Jaejoong's heart, he knew that Junsu was completely and utterly right. Damn.. he hate that about him. But it perturbed him to think that he has to swallow his pride and tell her the truth and then apologize to her when she was the one who hurt him first.

Sighing to himself, thinking that when did his life got so complicated.


	21. Chapter 21

16:33

_**A/N: ANOTHER THANKS TO TEDDYBEARSNUFFLE FOR THE LOVELY REVIEW. THIS STORY WILL HAVE AT MOST 3 MORE CHAPTERS LEFT, I CANT WAIT.I ADMIT THAT JAEJOONG (IN THIS STORY) IS BEING AN IDIOT. THEN AGAIN, YOU ALWAYS TEND TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN YOU ARE HURT BADLY. IT'S A LASHING OUT MECHANISM THAT WE ALL COULD DO WITHOUT.**_

under the hot glaring sun of a typical summer day, Jaejoong pushed his sliding sunglasses further up his nose, examining the unassuming small white tailor shop in front of him. Unsure, he immediately whipped out his smart phone, rechecking the address his personal assistant had given him.

_It looks about right. _

However, he still couldn't convinced himself that someone with Aii's talent could be working in a rundown place like this.

Pulling his cap down to further shield his face and wearing non-branded white shirt and jeans, he was practically invisible amongst all of other white shirt and jeans wearing youths walking around him.

He took a nerve calming breath and started to the tiny shop. As he reached the glass door, he peered inside. Even though the sign on the door says open but it contradict severely with the empty darkness inside the shop.

Jaejoong could barely suppress his disappointment. It had taken him- or rather his assistant weeks to find her new work place when he tried to contact her few days after the press conference. It had gone as well as anyone could hope in light of the nature of the scandal, and truly his PR team had earned whatever ridiculously large sum of salary he had been paying them. And it managed to quel the worse of the rumours, and he managed to remain relatively unscathed. Though he couldn't say the same about Megumi, he heard that she had been blacklisted from working with most of the top actors in Japan and some in Korea.

With the brunt of the scandal behind him, Jaejoong found himself unable to put off from having the dreaded conversation with Aii. So he called her phone only to have disconnected from her services. He tried to reach her at her workplace at the tv station even as far as doing another interview with the overly touchy female host, to find out that she no longer worked there. And that led to mad search that had steered him to this nondescript building.

Sighing, he turned around and headed for his white vespa parked underneath a tree. Just as he turned his back on the glass door, a hand reached out and pulled him inside the shop.

A musty tang of unused place and darkness greeted him, as he tried to reorient himself to his surrounding.

"what are you doing here? Are you nuts someone could've recognize you!" hissed the dark figure in font of him.

"Aii..." he breathed out, a bit stunned at Aii sudden appearance.

"you shouldn't be here." She bit out, glancing briefly but thoroughly at the window, trying to make sure that he wasn't followed by any paparazzi.

Looking at the drabby surrounding with clothes hanging everywhere with windows on every corner of the wall, he said, "is there anywhere we could talk privately?"

"talk." She answered mulishly.

"fine," he conceded, knowing that he should just take what she has given him, pushed any further she will shut down like a city on a blackout, " I tried calling you and look for you at your old place and the tv station but you weren't there."

"I couldn't keep my old number, the media kept calling requesting an interview and when it was clear that you wouldn't answer my call, I have the line terminated," she replied coldly, "and I couldn't work at the tv station anymore and my place become un-liveable with the barrage of paparazzi hounding me at every corner trying to make me answer questions that I do not know the answer to and you weren't there."

He didn't know that it was that bad for her, he always assumed that the press would be to preoccupied with him and Megumi to come after her so vigorously.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that alone," regret evident in his voice, "I didn't realized that it would be that bad for you, I was avoiding you until I could do the press conference with Matsumoto, so there wont be anymore additional attention from the paparazzi towards you, thinking about it now, I could at least made one phone call so you know where you're at, I can only say I'm sorry."

Her forbidding stance melted considerably at his words, though it hardened slightly at her next reply, "were you really in a relationship with miss Megumi Matsumoto?"

"you saw her interviews?" cringed Jaejoong.

"yes, and the recent press conference as well, but knowing the world you lived in, I didn't know which one is true or if any is true at all, for all I know you are the one who started all of this."

That was hitting to close to home than he was comfortable with.

"the press conference was partly true, I did met her after we were- whatever, but it was business," explained Jaejoong, "we went out few times during the drama shootings, but I only did it as a favor for her agent, she needs to hyped up the drama and give her free press, that's all, but when the pictures of us going out the first time leaked out, she manipulates the situation to promote her self, that is when things got out of control."

"but I thought…" she started before being interrupted by a middle-aged woman.

"Aii is it Mrs. Hanami?" said the woman as she fumbled with her glasses, walking towards them from the back room, "the suit is almost ready, we just need few hours on.."

as she finally put on her glasses and took a good look at 'Mrs. Hanami', she was more than surprised, "oh, a stranger!" exclaimed the woman, "is he your friend Aii?"

"y..yess.." answered Aii nervously.

The woman peered at her guest for few minutes then suspicion and recognition colored her face, "you look very familiar young man, aren't you one of those boys from the idol group?"

"no ma'am, I'm just Aii's friend." He answered with a modest smile, not wanting to tip his hand. However it was clear she didn't believe him.

Giving Jaejoong another suspicious look, she turned to Aii, "I'll head back to the sewing room and give you two a little privacy." And then headed back where she come from.

Jaejoong waited until he was sure that the were relatively alone before suggesting that they go somewhere more private where a middle aged busybody may not eavesdrop on their conversations and spread it around. He didn't exactly said those exact words but the same meaning was implied.

Looking peeved and more insulted than it was necessary for an implied insult to someone else, she retorted, " Ahjuma is a nice person and not some sneaky scandalmonger, and she won't tell a soul."

Jaejoong almost rolled his eyes in her naivete but without even telling her he could tell that Aii was not entirely convinced herself by her own speech.

Wasting no time, Jaejoong immediately dialed Junsu's number and was put through his line almost immediately, "hey, it's me."

"hey, did you find her?" asked Junsu.

"yeah."

"so did you tell her yet about everything?"

"Not yet," answered Jaejoong uncomfortably, "look, I'm calling you for a different reason, I think someone recognize me at Aii's new work place."

"I'll put out my feelers immediately, if any of the paparazzi found out I'll find out, best keep your phone with you, I'll call you if anything come up."

After murmuring their goodbyes, Jaejoong refocused his attention back to Aii who looked very worried. And she has the very right to be. It had been a relatively quiet couple of weeks after the press conference but Jaejoong knew better than anyone else that it will took only the slightest provocation like a clandestine meeting in a rundown tailor shop to flame it back to life and burn the whole damn forest. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Jaejoong was never known as a take-charge sort of person. If you want someone to drink with at two o'clock in the morning or to go karaoke with you, you call him. But if you're stuck in a ditch somewhere you shouldn't ever ask him for help. Utterly useless. He might as well be stuck in that ditch with you. You had a better chance asking Junsu or Yunho or Yoochun or Changmin for that matter. But there is always a first time for everything.

"A friend of mine has a bar 15 minutes from here, we should go there before anyone else found out," he said calmly as he handed Aii his phone, " I'm gonna bring my ride down here and you can watch my phone for me in case Junsu called, okay?"

Aii just answered him in a brief nodas she clutched the phone like lifeline.

Giving her a reassuring smile before he headed to his parked vespa.

as he reaches out of Aii' sight, he couldn't helped but feel an odd sense of respite. You could lie so much with a straight and sincere face for so long before pushed to a breaking point. Not that he had any plans to tell her the truth that the pictures were taken by his order. Before the pictures leaked, he was happy and she was happy, and by the way that Aii is softening to his reasons and apologies, they will be again soon.

And there is no need to hinder the progress by telling the truth.

All relationships at some points are tainted with lies. He just happened to make an early start of it. That's all.

Finally able to reasoned guilt out of his conscience, he felt a little bit better about the whole thing as he parked his Vespa in front of the store.

Jaejoong entered the shop with a slight spring in his step, decidedly feeling chipper already.

However his good mood didn't last long as he was greeted by a sight of Aii with inscrutable expression on her face and gripping his phone so tightly that with anymore force that it will break into two. She was still as stone but Jaejoong could feel the tenseness of her every muscle, it was as if any sudden movement from him might cause her to break into tiny pieces.

"Aii.." he could feel his body moving automatically to reach her as he said her name.

"Don't." she whispered so softly that he could barely hear it if not the dead silence in the room, taking a step back from him.

Confused by her defensive reaction, he thought that Junsu must have called and it wasn't anything good. And his brain jumped into the most logical conclusion; paparazzi.

"did Junsu called? Did the press found out that we are here?" he asked anxiously.

She was silent at first. Looking at him intently as if she was trying to figure him out –_or_ figure whether he was lying or not.

" yes, he did," she replied after awhile, "he says that there is not even a beep about this on their radar so we are safe…"

a mixture of relief and an odd sense that she wasn't done yet even as she finished delivering the news.

And he was right.

It doesn't matter how good of an actor that he made himself to be for the last few years, nothing had prepared him for what she will.

"another man called as well," she continued after what seems like long lull, "he said his name was Hiroki."

Hearing the name, Jaejoong could feel his blood drained from his face and went straight to his heated ears. it was stupid of him to leave his phone with her, when he knew that Hiroki always calling him at inappropriate times to give him updates about the intern that leaked the photos. And it was obvious fro Aii's expression, Hiroki let his mouth run off on him again.

he felt overwhelming shock, fear and guilt. He couldn't keep his emotion from marring his face, revealing itself to her along with the truth.

He saw her gave him a challenging look- challenging him to say that whatever she found out for Hiroki wasn't true.

He wanted to say something. _Anything. _But he just couldn't manage to make his mouth work properly. It was like he was stunned into silence.

And from the look of sad understanding and hurt crossed her face, his silence had explained the truth more than his lies of words could ever do.

" I see…" she sounded so broken and tired, and it was only his blasted pride and ego that kept him from going over to her to comfort her and asked for forgiveness, "I thought that we were…_friends again."_

He wanted to say that they were- are friends. They were going to be more that just friends. But he couldn't say it. Not when he still feel vindicated by his actions. Not when he still feel that she wronged him first by choosing Seungjin over him, over and over again, playing with his heart. Breaking it. Quid pro quo.

" I hope you are happy now," she said without malice just resignation and gave him an empty smile "you have achieve your revenge even though it didn't go as you planned, you still manage to hurt me."

and still he couldn't push himself to say anything.

"if you're done here please leave, I have a lot of work to do, Mrs. Hanami suit isn't going to repair itself." she said as she turn her back on him facing the work table, purposely ignoring him.

His heart screamed from the top of his being for him to repair the situation, make it as it was before all the melodrama-before he screwed it up with his revenge plan. But as he stared at her unyielding back, as she pretended to work, he knew that it was too late and too much for his pride. He was never going to apologize for his action and mean it and she will nevr ever talk to him again. Things are just never gonna be the same again.

He could feel himself release a breath of disappointment of lost happiness. He took another good last look at her form and head for the door.

As he opened the door, he was stopped by the sound of her voice, strong but quivering with pent up emotion, " Don't ever come looking for me ever again."

As he close the door and walk to his vespa and drove off to no where in particular, he couldn't help but feeling that he just drove off away from the kind of happy life he always wished he could have.


End file.
